First Time Mom

Things to Remember

2010-07-10T22:28:00.003-05:00

I was telling my mom some of the cute/funny/smart things E had done this past week and she suggested I write it down. So here it is.

*He was playing in our room while I laid on the bed. He found the remote for the window unit, picked it up, and pointed it at the a/c. When it didn't do anything, he picked up the tv remote and tried pointing it at the a/c. Once again nothing happened. So he walked over to the a/c and began poking at the control panel with both remotes. Of course nothing happened. So he brought the remotes over and started lifting up the bed rail (it was down) and sliding the remotes between the rail and the bed. At one point, he happened to grab the a/c remote where the power button and it came on. He stood there and stared in amazement while the cool air blew through his hair. Then he kept turning it off and on since his finger was still on the button. The look on his face was that of 'finally, I made it work. Now how did I do that?'

*We came home from the grocery store and I unlocked the front door. E grunted and pointed for my keys, so I handed them to him and set him down. He immediately went to the door and started poking the handle with the keys.

*He tried to climb in the bathtub yesterday, so I figured he wanted to take a bath. We have a pitcher that he plays with, so I filled and rinsed the tub just in case there was any stray hair or dirt. Now every time he's gone in the bathroom with me over the last day or two, he picks up a toy and starts hitting at the bathtub faucet with it. I had the sink faucet running and he wanted to be picked up, then he started gesturing towards it with the container he was holding.

*When one of us goes to the back door to call the dogs in and we're holding E, he yells 'DAH'. The funny thing is, the dogs usually come running.

*His laugh is so fantastic. Sometimes he genuinely laughs because we're laughing. Sometimes he laughs because he thinks something is funny. Sometimes he forces a laugh because we're laughing. And the best is when he's not ready to stop laughing, so he forces more laughing.

New Blog Topic

2010-07-01T21:50:00.001-05:00

I'm going to blog again. Now it will be mainly about being a parent.

Why I hate AT&T, but will still have service through them

2008-09-19T21:17:00.003-05:00

At the beginning of this week, we realized that our T-Mobile contract was up. WooHoo we thought, since the phones don't work at our house. We've been looking forward to getting AT&T since March or April when we realized our phones didn't work at the new place. I was on the phone around an hour with AT&T to set up service. We have some sort of discount through the school district and the guy had trouble getting it to go through. Thursday afternoon we got home and our new phones had been delivered. I went to call the number to get our numbers transferred and our phones activated. I couldn't find the paper, it had been thrown away and the trash already emptied. So I figured I could call AT&T and set up our account that way. Wow, what an idiot I was. The guy who set up our account put a password on it. The problem is, in the hour plus that I was on the phone with him, he never once mentioned the word password. We are told that we'll have to go to a cooperate store and show a photo id. Now I can access my credit cards over the phone with just the last four digits of my social, but not my cell phone account. It's so much more confidential. Our bill was also wrong. We had three charges that we weren't supposed to be charged for. My dear hubby got on the phone and talked to two managers trying to figure out how to file a complaint against the guy who set up our service. Because AT&T can see our account, they just can't give us any info or access to it because we don't know the mystery password. The guy's manager was supposed to call yesterday. Guess what? They still haven't called. What a surprise! So tomorrow we'll have to drive to New Braunfels just to set up our phones. I've looked around and if we have cell phones, AT&T is pretty much our only choice. T-mobile doesn't work out here. Sprint sucks. Verizon is more expensive than anyone else. And GO phones would be more expensive. We faced another large fuck-up on AT&T's part two years ago when we got new phones together. We decided not to deal with it, sent the phones back, and went with T-mobile. This time around we're just gong to suck it up and deal with the hassle. We've both had AT&T before and never had problems, so I'm just holding my breath that actually having service with them isn't filled with giant fuck-ups on their part.

I know in the grand scheme of things, cell phone problems doesn't even rank on a list of importance. I guess it's frustrating that something so insignificant is going to take up so much time. Such is life, I guess.

Midwife visit

2008-09-16T19:03:00.002-05:00

We went to the midwife this morning. The midwife couldn't find the heartbeat so I'm probably closer to 2 months than 3 months. That's perfectly fine though because I'd like to work all the way through March. I also went to the doctor for my horrible cough. She gave me some antibiotics because the cough has been so persistent. I can also take some cough medicine. I'm sure my students are tired of hearing me cough up yuckiness.

I've also, grudgingly, decided to let the ladies at work throw me a baby shower (Too much forced socialization). I know it's kind of soon to think about, but some people have already brought it up. Today I asked someone I trust if she would be in charge of planning it. I told her I was asking her so early so that someone else wouldn't take it upon themselves to plan a shower and have all the horrible games that can accompany them. Food and presents are all I want. No eating baby food, drinking from a bottle, or wrapping toilet paper around my gigantic belly. My friend said she would plan it, but I had to help. It's fine with me, because now I can tell others that someone's already planning it.

Baby Check-up

2008-09-15T20:21:00.003-05:00

I have an appointment with the midwife tomorrow. I hope we'll be able to hear the heartbeat this time. I'm worried that she's going to tell me I'm still dehydrated. I was doing really good about drinking water. But I've had so much phlem lately, that drinking water was making me nauseated. I'm also going to the doctor because I'm still coughing and I was sick again this weekend. If they offer me drugs(antibiotics) I'm taking them. I'll post tomorrow after I see the midwife.

More Location Issues

2008-05-14T21:59:00.003-05:00

So, last night we discovered that KC doesn't want her litter box near the ferrets either. She peed on Steven's armchair 3 times and pooped on it once. I ran her under the bathtub faucet twice last night. Not just the head, her whole body. Spanking her didn't seem like enough of a statement. She's getting too picky for her own good.

Location, Location, Location

2008-05-09T20:56:00.003-05:00

So my cat KC is a freak. That's generally an accepted fact. For 2-3 weeks she's been insisting on drinking out of the dogs' water bowl. I know she hates Zoot so I figured it was a dominance thing. But about a week ago she stopped eating. KC's a little on the hefty side so I wasn't too worried at first. She didn't act sick and she wasn't dehydrated so I figured she'd eat when she got hungry enough. During this time though she was trying to eat any dog food that dropped on the floor (and Zoot didn't get to first) or that Tim left unfinished. Once again, I thought this was a dominance issue. On Wednesday she still hadn't eaten anything and I started to worry. Yesterday I got her some canned food. I put it in her bowl and put her bowl in Tim's bowl. We were thinking maybe she didn't like her bowls anymore. Or maybe she didn't like her food anymore. So we took the dogs out to the hay field for about half an hour. We came back and KC had eaten half the food! So, it wasn't the bowl but it could still be the food. I was just glad she had eaten something. This morning when I fed the dogs she started meowing. I heated up her left over canned food and she went crazy. I went and put it in her room. She didn't go eat. I picked her up and put her in front of it. She turned around and walked away. I put her food on the kitchen table and put her up there. She ate it. So, ok. She doesn't want to eat in her room, whatever. But she's not eating on the table all the time. So to test my theory I put her regular dry food and her water on top of the washer. When I got home from work she had eaten all the food. When I fed the dogs tonight, I fed her also. She jumped up on the washer and started eating. What a freak!! She's SO picky!

Behavior

2008-05-08T22:03:00.002-05:00

When you have persistent behavior issues but are still expected for the education of 24 students to be your focus, how do you serve either set of kids.

The current method of behavior modifications in schools (in-school-suspension, out-of-school-suspension, expulsion, and assignment to the campus for kids with persistent behavior problems) doesn't do much good.

ISS-don't get help with work, sit and do nothing, get on the computer and play
OSS- most kids get a vacation because parents are at work
Expulsion- vacation
Rebound(reassignment campus)- on computer and no help with work

I feel like I've failed a few of my students.

Dominant Cat

2008-04-30T18:40:00.002-05:00

For a while KC has been showing some behaviors that suggested she is dominant over Zoot. She's been drinking out of the dogs' water bowl, sleeping where Zoot sleeps, playing a little with a couple of their toys, and laying on Zoot's bed. Well, today I looked over and saw KC scratching at Zoot's bed. I didn't think anything of it. I looked away, then looked back. She appeared to be squatting in the pooping position. I asked Steven if she was going to the bathroom on Zoot's bed. Sure enough, we watched her poop on Zoot's bed. Weird cat.

Stomach problems

2008-03-26T19:30:00.002-05:00

So I went to the doctor for my stomach problems about a month ago. She gave me a glucometer to use. She said to take my blood sugar any time I felt symptoms of hypoglycemia. After three weeks it was obvious that my stomach problems are not hypoglycemia. I would feel horrible and my blood sugar would be in the 80's or 90's. Hypoglycemia is considered to by below 70. I went back to the doctor yesterday and they're checking for H. pylori. It is a bacteria that can live in the stomach for years. It can live there forever if not treated. This bacteria is what causes ulcers. So, if this bacteria is what's been causing my stomach problems all this time that's good news, because it can be cured! Oh, this bacteria was discovered in the mid 1800's, linked to gastric disorders in 1899, proven to cause ulcers in 1981, and accepted by the medical community in 1994. Very interesting.

Moving and pet news

2008-03-14T21:41:00.002-05:00

Well, we slept at our new place last night. We have most of our stuff moved in. All the big stuff and all the stuff that had been boxed up. We still have a few things that will require a van or a truck, and then the dreaded miscellaneous stuff. That's the worst. But on the plus side, at our new place we've had the windows open for the past 4 days. We slept with the windows open last night. KC came to the house with us last night. The dogs were at Frandy Oaks and the ferrets are still at the other house. We wanted to give KC a chance to explore before the others were there. I woke up in the middle of the night to very loud meowing. She was just walking around the house meowing. She might have just been happy to have the cone off of her head. I took her and Tuck (male ferret) to the vet yesterday. KC has a scab on the side of her face that's not healing, so the doctor gave her a cone so she couldn't scratch her face. I have never seen her sulk for so long and I've never gotten the evil eye from an animal before. Tuck went in because he had a bump on the tip of his tail. I thought it was an abysses. It's been there for about a month but it started getting bigger at the beginning of the week. Turns out it was a tumor. The doctor did a quick surgery and he seems to be fine. He never did act like he felt bad, which is good.

I took a picture of KC but it may be a few days before I get around to posting it.

That's all for now.

Oh, big thanks to our friends Jessica and Paul for all their help. Jessica painted an fed us and Paul moved large heavy objects, picked me up from the u-haul place, and helped Steven get the washer and dryer hooked up.

New Place to Live

2008-03-09T11:42:00.002-05:00

Ok, this may be a bit impersonal, but I'm already tired of talking about buying a house. I figured the most people could find out this way. We did not get the house over by Daniel and Fanny. The lender had requested a closing date of the 6th. On Wednesday they were asking for more information so we weren't closing. Then on Thursday they were asking for more financial information. They still hadn't order the survey and they were having questions about the title and the appraisal. So we decided that we're through. Our realtor has been awesome though. He did more that I ever expected. I would recommend him to anyone. We definitely use him when we try again.

Friday I called around to a few places for rent that hubby had found. We went out to look at one and put down the deposit on Friday. We're going to be moved in by the time spring break is over. It is a double wide mobile home that is about twice the size of where we live now. The change in our rent is exactly the amount we had been paying for VA each month, but now don't have to. It is out in Reedville, behind the house I worked at when I worked with adults with brain injuries. All our animals are welcome and the lady seems really nice. I'm actually not disappointed about the house since we're getting to move. There are pictures of the house of Flickr. Oh, and now we can actually have people over!

Thursday

2008-02-21T21:40:00.002-06:00

1. Buddy rooms at school.
2. Railroad BBQ allowing a group to watch the Democratic debate.
3. Steven being happy that he got to watch the debate.
4. I took tomorrow off.
5. I might be able to get some tattoo after St. Patrick's Day.

The last week

2008-02-20T19:50:00.002-06:00

Well, I haven't posted, but not because there haven't been positive things happening. I haven't posted just because.

Today-Wednesday
1. House news. That's all I'm going to say for now. Don't want the Fates to hear :)
2. Steven was very supportive when I cried before school this morning.
3. Organic ice cream.
4. I've taken a personal day on Friday.
5. Supportive assistant principal

Last night I woke up to Zoot standing over me. Not unusual. That's her way of waking me up when she needs to go to the bathroom at 1:30 am. But I heard a lot of barking outside. I could tell that it was our neighbor's (D) beagle. Again, not too unusual. I put Zoot on the leash and cracked the door open. I didn't want the dogs running after deer, rabbit, opossum, skunk, etc. Well, I saw Jersey, the mom beagle, in the middle of the street. I shoved my dogs back inside and went to get Jersey. I heard D say, 'There she is.' I let Jersey sniff me and then walked her back over to her house. As I was walking with her I saw 10 puppies explode out of the kennel. It was a funny sight because all of a sudden all the puppies were out and wandering around the porch and under the porch. I helped D round everybody back into the kennel. I stood in the kennel and held puppies and mom at bay while D shoved puppies back in the kennel. She was very grateful. It made me feel good to help her out. About a month ago our other neighbor (P) helped out with Tim for a week. We tried to give her some BBQ gift certificates but she wouldn't take them. She just said she knew we would help her if she needed it (she has two Pomeranians). Even though it wasn't helping her, I felt like I was paying back P's kindness by helping D with the beagles.

Wednesday

2008-02-14T05:44:00.002-06:00

1. Some of the parents we needed to conference with actually showed up.
2. I got some IEP goals written.
3. I like all three of my co-teachers and can't imagine a better team.
4. Mom went back to work and is doing well.
5. I'm going bead shopping on Saturday.

Tuesday

2008-02-12T21:27:00.002-06:00

1. Tim doesn't pee on our bed or on us.
2. We had yummy pizza at Valentino's. Pepperoni, green olive, mushroom, and spinach on whole wheat.
3. We split the class in language arts today. One group in the regular room, and one group in the science room (the science teacher had her conference). It went really well.
4. KC doesn't pee on us or on our bed.
5. We have a washer and dryer that we can just take freshly peed-on laundry to. We don't have to go to the laundry mat.
6. The ferrets don't have the opportunity to pee on our bed.

Monday

2008-02-11T20:50:00.000-06:00

1. The workshop I went to wasn't a total waste of time.
2. I paid my library fine so I won't get charged with a misdemeanor.
3. We gave our bank statement to the realtor to fax to the lender.
4. Even though I took a couple of wrong turns, I made it home without having to call Steven for directions.
5. I love Steven, even when he's sick and grumpy.

Sunday

2008-02-10T20:43:00.000-06:00

1. I got to sleep in and the doggies snuggled with me.
2. Steven made BBQ chicken.
3. I got my school work done.
4. I know where I'm going for my workshop tomorrow. And I didn't have to call anyone.
5. We got some cleaning done around the house.

Saturday

2008-02-10T01:23:00.000-06:00

1. I got to sleep in.
2. I got my grades in.
3. We got to go to the Kaisers and play Settlers of Catan.
4. We got to hang out with the McMains.
5. Zoot actually got tired out after obedience class, some errands, playing with Will's (the McMains tenant) dog, another errand, and then in the kennel while we were at the Kaisers. It only took several hours of activity!

I'm Back

2008-02-09T09:42:00.000-06:00

I am alive. I just haven't wanted or needed to post in a very long time. but this week Lent started and I have a few new goals. So, I'll be posting most everyday some positive things that happened that day. It's been a very stressful year and it's easy to start focusing on all the stressful/negative stuff.

Thursday: I honestly can't remember right now. But I did think of 5 positives at the end of the day.
Friday:
1. Student I finally being moved to resource. This is the best placement for him.
2. Student C did a lot of work without much prodding.
3. Most of my class had a great week and one of the teacher/mentors let us use their room for a spontaneous surprise/reward for the kids. They got to play guitar hero instead of having Social Studies. (Since I spend at least 8 hours a day at school, a lot of these are going to be school related.)
4. We got some promising news on the house. I don't want to say anything else because the Fates might hear. :) It's hard to not be excited.
5. Steven is a wonderful husband. My blood sugar has been very weird since I was sick a couple of weekends ago. He went to the store and bought some high protein food for me last night at about 10pm. He also puts up with how cranky I get.

Well, that's it for now. I need to go to school to put in grades because I'll be at a workshop on Monday.

Oh, also I'm posting pictures to Flickr again. Sean McMains started A Photo A Day for the month of February and Stephanie and I are joining him. Go look.

Iced in...still

2007-01-16T20:01:00.000-06:00

Well, school has been canceled for tomorrow also. We took Tim for a walk today while it was sleeting/raining. He loved it. He was running around in the yard when we got back and didn't want to come in. He's made for the cold weather. The only thing that sucks about this cold weather is that we'll have to make tomorrow up on a Saturday. Oh, it's also cold enough in our living room that you can see your breath. WWWEEEE, it's an adventure. It's really not too bad, our room is warm and all 3 animals slept with us last night so it was toasty.

Iced in

2007-01-16T11:16:00.000-06:00

School was canceled today. They actually canceled it last night which tells you how bad the weather is. Yesterday the kids were off for MLK day, but the teachers had a workday. Unfortunately it was not canceled. But I got a call last night that school was called off for today. It is 11:18 am right now. It is 31 degrees (feels like 19) and there is still a light sleet falling. The sleet started at around 10:30 last night and hasn't really stopped for any significant amount of time. Yesterday afternoon when I got home around 3, the water on the steps (it was raining all weekend) had already frozen. It's not supposed to get warm enough today or tomorrow to melt the ice, so we might have another day off. It's cool, but we have to make the days up later. We've been taking Tim for walks in the freezing weather, but if the streets are still icy we may not be able to. Well, that's all for now.

New Teacher Orientation

2006-07-28T16:37:00.000-05:00

It sounds like more than it was. It was just watching a video about blood borne pathogens (which I've now seen about 5 times) and filling out insurance paperwork. After that I went to have lunch with Steven and the secretary from Hernandez had called. I needed to go by the school and try on a shirt to give her my size. The shirts are for convocation. I asked the principal a few questions but she had to go back to a training. She called the head spec ed teacher from the campus and asked if she could stop by and talk to me for a few minutes. We talked for about an hour and a half. I will be teaching 5th graders. I'll have about 12 or so and I'll go with them from language arts, to math, and science. I'll have a few other students that I go help as needed while my kids are at their specials (pe, computer, etc). I won't have to do lesson plans or keep a gradebook. And they have a spec ed clerk who fills in the ARD and IEP paperwork. So pretty much what I'll be doing is teaching without a lot of the other stuff. S (the head spec ed teacher) said that she thought inclusion was a great position because there's so little of the outside stuff to keep up with. Just progress reports, some paperwork, and then teaching. I'm pretty nervous but I'm excited also. S said that the teachers I'm working with are great and will treat me like a co-teacher (which is what I am) not like an aide. And they have experience with co-teaching, so that makes me feel better.

Today Steven and I went and got our marriage license. It really wasn't exciting. I can only imagine how I seemed to other people when I worked at the county clerk's office. She probably does dozens a week and has that not-quite-polite voice of repeating the same questions over and over: "Are you related to the bride/groom? Are you deliquent on child support? Are you currently married?" But it's exciting to have that piece of paper ready for next Saturday.

Job

2006-07-25T09:57:00.000-05:00

As in, I have a job!! WOOHOO!! I got the call last week from the principal at Hernandez Intermediate offering me a position. Yesterday I got a call saying that my recommendation to the superintendent had been approved. Tomorrow I go to new teacher orientation. I'll be co-teaching in a class with a high percentage of kids with special needs. Right now I'm not even sure if I'll be teaching 5th or 6th, but it doesn't really matter. I'm really looking forward to it.

wedding progress

2006-07-11T09:48:00.000-05:00

Steven and I went to HEB to order our cake last week. We were trying to explain to the lady in the bakery how we wanted the icing decoration but she wanted us to bring in a picture in case she's not the one who makes the cake. So Kathy and I decided to make a cake and try our hand at decorating. At Photobucket you can see the interesting results. We're not going to make or decorate our own cake. I also decided to make my own earrings for the wedding. I got the beads out of a magazine and made the earrings last night. There are pictures of them on Flickr. Check them out.

job interviews and camping

2006-06-30T14:36:00.000-05:00

Well, as you know I had two job interviews. The in San Marcos went really well, I just wasn't certified for the position. Since it was inclusion spec ed, I would need to be certified for 4-8 content. But we went ahead with the interview and the principal said she would make recommendations within San Marcos for me. The interview in Lockhart didn't go as well, I thought. I didn't think I was articulate enough and didn't give specific enough examples to questions. I won't hear about that job until the 10th of July. But for now I'm going to look around some more.

Camping
Last weekend Steven and I went camping. We were just planning on going Friday night out to Canyon Lake. Steven, Lynette, and I all went out and Kathy was going to meet us later. We got out there, went to the campsite they assigned us, and someone else was already there. These people were already set up and cooking dinner. WE went back to the entrance booth and told them what was happening. The guy went out to talk to them, but luckily Steven talked to them first (which made things go more smoothly I think). The guy talked to them and the park ranger came out. Turns out these people had gotten 4 or 5 campsites for a big family thing. We were willing to use one of their campsites that they weren't using (basically trade) because we didn't want them to have to move their stuff. Well, the other campsite they had was not big enough for 3 tents. So we went back to the entrance gate, got another couple of site numbers, went and looked at them, and alas, they were also not big enough for three tents. We went back to the entrance gate, quite frustrated and hungry at this point. The lady gave us about 10 more sites in a different area, four of which were separated. We didn't want to drive back and forth anymore so we just took the one that was on the end. She said it was really nice, secluded, and if you were agile, you basically had your own private beach. We got there and were furious. The area around the covered picnic table was all rock, not exactly comfortable camping. And the hike down to the lake was about 50-70 feet and about a 45 degree incline. We decided to camp on the beach (lots of small rocks instead of large rocks up top)because there would be more space and we would get a breeze. It turned out to be a totally awesome spot. Because of all the hassle in getting a spot, the lady at the gate had offered us Saturday night for free. So we stayed and McMains clan came and camped with us. We had a blast. Saturday morning Kathy pulled a fully intact, set-up, and functional tent out of the water. We cleaned it off this week and it just needs a couple of patches. We took Tim and Millie, who both had a great time. It was a little much for Millie though, she was sore at the end of the trip. Tim had a blast. We saw a water snake, which the dogs wanted to protect us from. We were in the water watching the snake and Millie (who doesn't like water) got in the lake and was whimpering. The dogs stopped whimpering when we got out of the water. We cooked over an open flame, had s'mores, and camp fire songs (compliments of Sean). I believe that a good time was had by all. And there are pictures, including the video of Kathy and I pulling the tent out of the lake, if you click on the Photobucket link to the left.

AllRight!!!

2006-06-15T19:22:00.000-05:00

I have another job interview on Monday. This one is in San Marcos and is for the behavior program that I wanted to do. It's 5th-6th, but that's fine with me. I'm so excited!!!!!

WOOHOO!!!

2006-06-14T13:37:00.000-05:00

I have a job interview with Lockhart ISD on Monday!!!!

New member of the family

2006-06-13T20:09:00.000-05:00

We have new family member and it is a boy. His name is Tim and he has the most beautiful blonde hair. His feet are huge and he'll be a big boy when he grows up. We think he's a golden retriever or a lab mix. We found him outside of our house yesterday. The neighbors dogs wouldn't shut up so Steven went out to see what was going on. There was this very cute, very weak puppy at the steps. We gave him some cat food and water, which he greedily consumed. He was covered in fleas so I went and got some flea shampoo. Steven called the vet and we got him in yesterday afternoon. The nurse was initially worried about Parvo since Tim was so listless. The vet looked at him and said he was just tired and hungry. Since he was a stray, we got a starter dog kit that included a 5lb bag of Science Diet puppy food, a month dose of Frontline and a month dose of Heartguard. Tim the Enchanter is his full name and we never would have chosen him. He's going to be huge when he's grown. But he's so wonderful and we couldn't just leave him, he showed up on our steps and he needed someone. Today I was taking him out to use the bathroom and someone from the trailer park was driving past and said that they have a litter of puppies and they had escaped yesterday or the day before. They asked if I wanted to keep him and I said yes. (We had put up a couple of Found Puppy signs but hoping no one would call). They said that he was born on the 29th, which would make him 6 weeks old (the vet thought 8-12 weeks). The guy said please take him and asked if I wanted another. These guys were not taking good care of these puppies if they are telling the truth. But we're happy to have the addition to the family. He's taking well to the affection and food. We've already started with some basic training and he is initially recognizing our dominance. I'm sure he'll start to test us in a couple of weeks, but I think we're off to a good start.

Other news:
On Sunday Steven and I went to visit my dad and Jenni and hear JamisonPriest play at the Texas Folk Life Festival in San Antonio. We had a great time. Daddy took us out to eat on the River Walk and then we went and heard them play. There is a lot going on and next year we want to go on a Saturday so we can spend the whole day hanging out with them. We had to leave relatively early because I have to be at work so early.

The last weekend in May my mom came down to hang out with us and work on the wedding dress. I had a great time hanging out with her and doing stuff for the wedding. She started the muslin dress (to do the alterations on) and we found the fabric that is going to be used for the dress. I ordered it last week and it should be in Abilene soon. Steven and I took my mom to eat at Yanez Cafe and to Casa Maria which are two of our favorite restaurants. Mom came to church with me and we just hung out the rest of the several days she was here.

There is a new website that I'm putting my photos on. It's called photobucket and it holds 1 gig of photos and videos. There is a link to the left.

Steven has started a blog. It is mostly political. The name is Un Otro Voice.

blurbs

2006-05-04T20:11:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted for a very long while. Here are some blurbs about what's been going on.

-On Good Friday Kathy, Lynette, and I went salsa dancing. We had a blast. Then my dad and Jenni came down for Easter weekend. We went to Stations of the Cross on Saturday afternoon. Then my dad, Jenni, Lynette, Steven, and I went to the Easter Vigil on Saturday night. Afterward we had a champagne and strawberry reception for the people who had been baptized. I also got Father Bruce with a cascarone, as well as Steven. hehe. On Sunday we all went to the Sunday service and then out to eat at Los Cucos. We were going to eat at Casa Maria, but they were closed. I had a great time and I was glad that I could share my church community with my dad and Jenni.

-The weekend after Easter, Steven and I helped out at the bus roadeo (yes, it's a stupid spelling) for work. When we agreed to help out by judging the contestants, we were under the impression that we would be getting paid our regular hourly wage. Two days before we found out that we were only going to get paid $50. So basically we each got paid $50 to be away from the house from 5:30 am till 3:30 to judge people driving busses through an obstacle course type thing. It was hot and I got incredibly sunburned. Steven and I just laid around the house that evening and slept in the next day. It sucked.

-The next weekend I went on the Feral Female Frenzy Weekend. There were five girls that went camping for Stephanie's birthday. There was Stephanie, Jessica, Christine, Kathy, and me. We cooked out, slept (all five of us) in one tent during a thunderstorm. Then we went down the river on Saturday. Saturday evening we just sat around the campfire and talked and hung out. Stephanie got extremely sunburned. We had a great trip. We got two fires started without lighter fluid. We also had plenty of provisions. While I was gone Steven went out and bought a dress form for me. We've named it Tabitha. My mom is going to take it home with her to use it for sewing my wedding dress. Then I'll get to use it. Yea!!! Wonderful husband.

-Yesterday Steven and I bought a motorcyle. We bought it because this summer and fall we're going to need a second vehicle because we will have different work schedules and a bike will use less gas than buying another car or a small truck. I drove it home yesterday and it was so fun. I bought a helmet and Kathy is letting me use her perforated leather jacket that provides protection but is not too hot during the summer months. The bike is a 750cc Yamaha Vigaro. I'll post a picture of it in the next few days. We bought it from some people that we work with and we got an awesome deal. This couple is really cool and I think that we'll be hanging out with them in the future.

That's pretty much what's going on. We're also in the process of getting the mobile home title switched to our name. Yea!!! We are incredibly lucky (blessed). Things have just fallen into place, even though we're still struggling to get the wedding financed and other things going.

Hot

2006-04-17T21:44:00.000-05:00

It was 100 degrees today. Yuck!! But Steven had the wonderful idea of going to 5 Mile Dam after work. The river is really low, so we just sat in the river and talked for about 30 minutes. Then we came home and had dinner. It was nice and refreshing.

Certification Exam-Part deux

2006-04-10T10:47:00.001-05:00

This morning I took my PPR (pedagogy and professional responsibility) exam. It took me an hour to take the test. You have 5 hours to complete the test. So now I've passed two of the three tests that I have to take. YEA!!! I can't take my Special Ed content exam until I get the official results for these two tests back.

Certification Exam

2006-04-10T10:47:00.000-05:00

This morning I took my content exam. It tests over basic content that you should know to teach Early Childhood-4th grade. It took me an hour and a half to take the test. You have 5 hours to complete the test. Tomorrow I take the Pedagogy and Professional Responsibility Test. Click on the Flickr link to view a picture of my 'unofficial score.' Since I took it on the computer, it is scored as soon as your finished. I'll get my official score in the mail in a few weeks.

pictures

2006-04-08T08:32:00.000-05:00

There are a few new pictures on Flickr. The link is to the left, under the recent posts link. The link just says Flickr. I'll post again in the next few days about happenings around the house.

Flickr

2006-03-30T05:42:00.000-06:00

There is a link to my pictures on my Flickr account. To the left, under the links for Recent Posts, is a link that says "Flickr". Click on that to see pictures. I posted new pictures a couple of days ago. They are of the updates to the inside of the trailer and there are a couple of Steven, and one of the cats.

random events

2006-03-27T19:08:00.000-06:00

On St. Patricks Day weekend I went to Dallas to visit Stephanie. She had a party, that while it didn't go as she had planned, we had a wonderful time. I met her friends Steven & Christine, Phil & Kathleen, Jessica, and Chad. Stephanie had a Limerick writing contest. They were all funny. I was going to post mine, but Steven threw mine away (on accident, he says). It was about Steven killing our neighbors dogs. Saturday we slept in, watched a couple of movies, and went to Cafe Brazil and Half Price Books. I got a book written by a monk that lives at one of the monastaries that Kathleen Norris of The Cloister Walk stayed. I got The Brothers K for 50 cents and a book with three Flannery O'Conner stories for 50 cents. I had a lot of fun and I can't wait to see Stephanie and the other girls for her birthday camping trip.

Today I went to the courthouse for my jury summons. I sat there all afternoon and I got picked to sit on a jury for a civil case. I'm excited.

Today I also made home-made wheat bread. It's good. MMMMmmmmmm.

gggggggrrrrrrrrr

2006-03-16T10:55:00.000-06:00

I changed my template because I didn't like the way that my flickr badge set all my text way lower than the title of the post. Well, it took away the flickr badge and when I tried to put it back it did the same thing. I also lost my links and I don't think I really like this template, but apparently I had made some customizations to another template and I don't remember what they were. I don't feel like messing with it now, so deal with it. I think I might be able to at least get a link to flickr up.

2006-03-16T10:28:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in a while, but things are going great. Work on the house is continuing. I reposted some pictures of flickr, this time with them rotated the correct way. Once we're more settled into the house (without boxes everywhere) I'll post some pictures of how it looks now that it's painted and we're mostly moved in. We have a lot of repairs to do. Hopefully sometime soon I can quit concentrating so much on the house and put my energy into planning the wedding again.

Since this week is spring break, I didn't have to work on Saturday. Kathy and I went garage-saling on Saturday morning and I scored a table saw for $7. Steven was so thrilled. It will make some of the house repairs easier and cheaper. Steven also found a grill for cheap on craigslist.com Steven has been working this week (washing busses) and I've been helping Kathy paint the apartment and get it ready for her sister and family coming in a couple of weeks. Steven is through working so we're going to run some errands together and then babysit tonight. Tomorrow I leave for Dallas to hang out with Stephanie for the weekend while Steven is left here at home. Poor baby. :( Then it is back to the grind of driving busses.

Super exciting, I know. But that's what's been going on around here.

Moved In

2006-02-26T19:57:00.000-06:00

Well, today Steven and I, with some help from Kathy, Paul, and Lynette, moved into our place. It is almost all painted. It will be a few weeks before we have internet access. We'll still have our computer at the McMains for a week or so and then it will probably be internet at the library for another week. Yea!!! We have a home.

Home

2006-02-14T11:17:00.000-06:00

Well, the trailer is definitely ours. We put in the rental application for the land yesterday and we make the first payment on the trailer this week. We should get the keys this afternoon or tomorrow. Click on over to flickr to see some pictures of the outside of the house.

Update!!!!!!

2006-02-09T11:04:00.000-06:00

Finally, an update...YEA!!!! Well, things with Steven and I are great. Marriage is wonderful (but certainly an adjustment). I was almost all the way moved in and settled in Steven's apartment, when tragedy struck. Steven already had an apartment with two other guys, P (the good roommate) and M (the crazy roommate) and the lease was until May. We had talked to P and M, they both said it was fine if I moved in until the lease was up. I moved in after Christmas and was continuing to move stuff in up until the 25th of January or so. In true Christina fashion, I procrastinated about turning my lease in until the middle of January, after we got an unauthorized tenant notice, hehe. A week after I turned in my lease application we still hadn't heard anything so Steven called and was told they were short-staffed and were behind on processing applications. This is understandable. Then Steven called the middle of the next week and was told that complaints had been made and our roommates didn't want me living there. We were surprised because we are both friends with P and couldn't imagine that he would go to the office and not to us if he had a problem. Turns out that M had been complaining that I was living there and he had changed his mind. This was around the 28th or so. Well, a few days went by and we didn't see M, we have a feeling he was avoiding us. So on the 31st I called his cell and left a message saying that we all needed to talk. He came home after work and was pissed off. He said that it was stressful enough to have one roommate who doesn't talk to him (Steven) and that he didn't need another (me). Well, the reason that Steven and I don't talk to him much is because he has quite the temper and you never know what he'll blow up about. So, it came down to that he had changed his mind and wouldn't sign to have me put on the lease. He changed his mind the next morning after he realized that we had legal recourse against him, but neither Steven or I wanted to be there or were comfortable with me being there without Steven or P being around (which happens everyday for a couple of hours). So Steven and I moved in with the McMains exactly a week ago and we have a lead on trailer that we might buy. It will be a shitty couple of months financially but we'll make it through and hopefully we'll have our very own place. So, needless to say, we're both a little stressed and pissed off, but we're making it.

We also had an interesting conversation with a couple from the home group that I go to. They don't recognize the validity of Steven and I's marriage and apparently found it necessary to let us know that we are wrong. They invited us over for dinner and we knew the conversation was going to end up in this direction. A few weeks ago, neither Steven or I went to home group. Something got brought up about us being married and this couple made it quite clear that they did not agree. I'm not really sure why they thought it was their place to confront us on the issue since I barely know them and Steven has met them twice, but that's Fundamentalists for you. After a few extremely inappropriate questions and polite disagreement, and laying out the story of our entire relationship to virtual strangers, we left. I don't feel they were open to any point we had to make. I think they just wanted us to change our minds to their point of view. Basically, our marriage isn't valid because there were no witnesses there (despite the fact that many people knew before hand and immediately after, so it's no secret that we're married) and minister didn't perform the ceremony which communicates that we think that we don't need God or the community to support our relationship (despite the fact that we told them how, without intervention from the Divine, this relationship would have never happened. There isn't a single instance we don't see God at work here.) Steven only agreed to have dinner with them so that we didn't cause a rift or make waves in the home group. The other people in the home group either agree with us, or respect us and support us since we've made this commitment to each other. I'm not really sure why I went. But, we are certainly through laying out our relationship story to virtual strangers. Isn't life interesting.

I find it very interesting that I am very confident in the decisions I've made over the last several months, but I'm facing more opposition, either from people or in the form of stress, than I have before. But, I stand firm in the decisions I've made.

marriage and Christmas

2005-12-27T11:11:00.000-06:00

On Tuesday night Steven and I went down to the river and exchanged vows and rings. We see ourselves as married and we're presenting ourselves as such. In the state of Texas if you present yourself as husband and wife, then you are legally married. We are still having the wedding ceremony in August. I've picked out my dress, which my mom is going to make. We have the church reserved and the reception hall picked out. Hopefully we'll be able to reserve it soon. Other little details are coming together nicely. We have an idea of our budget so that makes things easier to think about. My friend Jessica gave me a 1000 wedding bargains book for Christmas and Steven has already read most of it. He's so wonderful to help out. I told him I wanted help with the planning and I don't have to persuade him, he is more than willing to help. I'm so happy that I'm married to the most wonderful, caring, and thoughtful man.
On Thursday Steven and I drove to Abilene to spend Christmas with my family. We got to hang out with Jes, my dad and Jenni, and of course my mom, Christopher, and Heather and Virginia Ann. Steven got to know them and vice-versa. They seem to get along very well. Steven and I were our usual affectionate selves and it didn't seem weird at all. It seemed completely natural for him to be there. He went back home yesterday and I'm here till tomorrow. I'm helping with moving Virginia Ann. The only thing that sucks is that Steven couldn't stay because he had to work today. I love having him around all the time and I already miss him. I had to sleep by myself last night :( But I'll get to see him tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and has a great and safe New Year.

life changes

2005-12-19T09:26:00.000-06:00

It seems that my life is changing all at once right now. I have a lot of personal changes that are still going on through my counseling and learning to create new ways of acting and thinking. Also, I graduated on Friday night. Finally!! Although I don't really feel an extreme feeling of completion because I'm going back to get my master's in spec ed in the fall. but it was certainly a sense of accomplishment. I never really paid much attention to my GPA. I knew it was a least a 3.75 but I graduated Summa Cum Laude which means it was 3.8 or higher. I'm proud of myself that I accomplished that.
Another huge change in my life is Steven. Three months ago I was perfectly happy with the thought that I was one of those people that God had created to not get married. Then I realize that I really like Steven. We start talking, dating, and now we're getting married in August. Hopefully it will be the first weekend in August. There is no ring or official popping of the question but we are engaged. In fact, we already view our relationship as a marriage because there is no question in either of our minds about the level of committement that already exists between us. I've already been staying with him about a week and a half, but I officially move in when we get back from our visit to Abilene for Christmas. We feel that we are married and that the wedding in August is the ceremony. We would have the ceremony tomorrow if we could afford it. But we are buying temporary wedding rings to wear until the wedding. I am so excited about this change in my life. I am so comfortable here. It's been like a whirlwind, but it also feels like I've been here my entire life. We're only in the preliminary stages of planning the wedding and I am already feeling overwhelmed. We're taking it a little at a time because we do have several months to plan and Steven is helping by taking a very active role.

Well, that's it for updates for now.

seven things

2005-12-19T09:06:00.000-06:00

Stephanie posted this awhile back and tagged me. I usually don't do these things, but for Steph I will.

Seven Things to Do Before I Die (Lord willing):

1. Own a home.
2. Marry Steven.
3. Visit Ireland again.
4. Have and/or adopt children.
5. Make a quilt.
6. Start regualarly playing the piano again.
7. Own a motorcycle.

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Play guitar.
2. Own just one pet.
3. Not cry.
4. Style my own hair.
5. Be passionate about politics.
6. Be comfortable around new people.
7. Be extroverted.

Seven Things that Attract Me to My Spouse/Significant Other:
1. His sense of humor and his laugh.
2. His passion for God and desire to serve.
3. His understanding.
4. The fact that his actions and his words match.
5. That he calls me his angel and treats me that way.
6. We communicate about everything.
7. The fact that we are completely comfortable around each other.

Seven Things I Say (or write!) Most Often:
1. Sweet!
2. Giggidy!
3. Back and forth...forever.
4. Love.
5. I'll stab you in the head.
6. Do you remember the Simpsons/Seifeld/Family Guy episode where...
7. I don't know.

Seven Books (or series) I Love:
1. East of Eden
2. The Milagro Beanfield War (not the movie Steven!)
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. Ramona Quimby Books
5. The Good Earth
6. Blue Like Jazz
7. Life of Pi

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again:
1. Empire Records
2. The Wedding Singer
3. Search for the Holy Grail
4. Pulp Fiction
5. A River Runs Through It
6. Shawshank Redemption
7. Corrina, Corrina

exciting news

2005-11-25T16:29:00.000-06:00

Well, I know I promised a post on Wednesday. That didn't happen but here it is. Quite a few things have happened in the last month. All of them are good but I'm saving the best one to write about till last.
As many of my faithful readers know, I have been attending St. Marks Episcopal Church and have been loving it. It has rekindled my interest and desire in God and my spirituality in general. Well, two Sunday's ago I joined the church. Sometime in the next couple months I will be starting confirmation classes.
Student teaching is almost over with. I'm am so ready to graduate. While teaching has been fun, I'm ready to stop having the two jobs of teaching and being a student. I will be sending out graduation announcements soon. I'll be walking across the stage on December 16th. But my last day of student teaching is December 9th. And the week between the two I'll be taking my certification exams.
Last weekend I took a Motorcycle Safety Course where I learned how to ride a motorcycle. Kathy and I took the class together. It is a class offered through the extending education office at SWT. I was so excited when I signed up in August, and of course excitement waned a little since the class was so far away. But I had a blast last weekend. On Wednesday I went to the DPS and now I'm a licensed motorcyclist. Now I just need to buy a motorcycle. I already have one picked out and in January when I start working again I'm hoping to buy one. Here are pictures of the bike I want and the helmet I want. The bike is a Suzuki GZ250 and it's the same bike that I learned on. It's a great bike and I want something small and inexpensive to get around town on. When I get really comfortable with that, I might move up to a little larger cruiser. The instructors of the course were surprised that I had never even sat on a motorcycle before last weekend. I only had one scary moment when the bike almost came out from under me, but it just reminded me that the clutch is your friend. But seriously, the instructors said that I was doing a great job and it came fairly naturally to me.
And now, the best news. I have found someone that I love, that I adore, that I'm crazy about. Several of ya'll know or know of Steven. We used to work together when I drove for SWT. So we've know each other for a couple years and have hung out on more of a regular basis over the last year or 6 months. After Dan moved back to New York, Steven and I started hanging out quite a bit. I knew that he liked me but I didn't want a relationship and had given myself at least a year to be single and work out some of my stuff. Mom had met him while she was here for my birthday. She tells me now that she had a feeling that there was attraction between us but she didn't want to say anything because she knew I was working on myself. Before Daniel moved to Canada he was even asking me if there was something going on between Steven and I. A little over a month ago, on October 17, Steven and I went dancing at Winston's. That night and the next day I realized that I really liked him. So of course that weekend I freaked out, started crying, and told Steven that I couldn't be in a relationship, that I would mess it up, That I still needed time to myself. He felt horrible because I was crying and because he thought I was basically telling him to fuck off. But we kept on talking almost 2 hours a night and hanging out. I admitted to him that I liked him. We went to Wurstfest a couple of weekends ago and he held my hand. I felt so silly, almost like a middle schooler. I was so excited at having someone hold my hand. He went to church with me on Sunday and stood up with me when I joined St. Marks. The next night he was helping me make beanbags for a game I was taking to school and I said something that indicated that I was thinking about a future with him. We are now officially 'together', 'boyfriend and girlfriend','novio y novia', whatever you want to call it, but definitely looking at a future together. I trust him, I can tell him anything, I can tell him my crazy thoughts as they are happening, I can tell him that I don't like something he's said or done, and he can tell me the same things. It's amazing to be in a relationship with actual communication. After grandmother died, mamma and I were looking at pictures of her and granddaddy. They looked so happy and you could tell that they were absolutely crazy about each other. Momma said that she hoped that I would wait until I found that. I of course wanted to cry because I didn't think that it was possible for me to have that kind of relationship. But I have. I have found someone who treats me like a princess and I adore him. We are crazy about each other. I don't know that I've ever had this kind of balance in my life. I'm pretty much ok with myself, I'm seeking a relationship with God, I'm not ignoring my friends, and he can be who he is. It seems like it should be surreal, but if feels more like I've finally come home. Steven, I know you are reading this, and I just wanted to say that I love you so much, and thanks for being waiting around for me.

weeks 7 and 8 reflections

2005-10-30T21:52:00.000-06:00

Week 7
During this week I tried to go over expectations with the students before the activity began. I also started a class sticker page for the kids to earn extra recess. I made sure to choose a goal for the first week that I knew they could meet. They did and they were so proud of themselves. The students can still earn stickers for behavior beyond the class behavior. The behavior during whole class activities seems to be improving. My CT and I also set up a personal space for the child with autism, E, last week. He used it a few times during the week and his emotional state was improved when he chose to rejoin the class. The previous method of talking with E in the hallway did not always work. First of all, it was very time consuming, and even when E said he was ready to come back into the room, many times he would get upset right away. When he returned from his space, it was on his terms and he stayed in the group longer, much longer, without getting upset again. When E got upset and my CT or I asked him what he wanted to do, he told us that he wanted to go to his space. I am documenting the times that E uses his space to see if there is a pattern in when he gets upset. I hope this is as successful when we move classrooms. My goals for the next week are to continue to encourage the students to work together for whole class rewards and to encourage E to continue monitoring his own needs.

Week 8
This was our first week in our new classroom. It has been slightly chaotic. Since my CT is moving back to the old classroom after Christmas, we didn't move everything to the new classroom. Also since she moved over a weekend, there was not a lot of time to get organized. I think she did a fantastic job. But there are still times when one of us is looking for something and we're not sure where it is. The students have handled the move fairly well. They seem to be flexible when we have to change small procedural things because of the new setup. E did not use his space at all. In fact, we saw some different manifestations of his behaviors this week. Luckily he hasn't started hitting his head again or screaming, but his behavior is certainly not going in the same direction it was last week. I didn't take time to show him where his space was before he got upset, so I need to do that this coming week. When he was upset I told him that he had his space in this room and he could go to it, but he didn't want to. The class behavior continued to improve this week. The students earned twice as many stickers and where very proud of themselves. We went to the professional building next to the hospital on Friday to go trick-or-treating and their behavior was wonderful. They followed directions promptly, waited their turn patiently, and were extremely polite to the professionals handing out candy. I handed out stickers quite often during the trip to encourage the behavior to continue and I used a lot of verbal praise. Before we left I wrote out 5 expectations for the trip, went over them, and told the students that they could earn 2 more minutes of extra recess (a total of 7) if they earned their last class sticker on this trip and that I would be handing out stickers when I saw the students following the 5 things I had written down. I think this helped a lot. The students saw and heard what was expected of them and they knew that there would be immediate reinforcement and reinforcement later. During a two hour trip most of the students earned 6 stickers. I made sure to tell them that they earned the stickers because of their behavior. I had been dreading this trip but we had a blast.

Misc.
There are new pictures posted on flickr. Hopefully I will post about the wedding and my trip to South Padre soon. I'm tired and am ready for this semester to be over. I still want to immerse myself in reading.

week 6 reflection

2005-10-17T22:39:00.000-05:00

Last week we had a workshop on behavior management with Jo Weber. I had taken her class on Emotionally/Behaviorally Disturbed students a couple of years ago and she gave us the same information then that she gave at the workshop. It's amazing how much more of an impact it makes when you have specific children and situations in mind. I also don't know why we don't go over expectations with students more. They are only 6 and 7 years old, they need a lot of reminders simply because of their age. At the end of last week I started going over expectations before our lessons on the carpet and before we walked in the hallway. I saw a little bit of improvement on the carpet but I noticed more improvement in their behavior in the hallway. I'm thinking about starting a class reinforcement system for appropriate behavior during lessons. They would be able to earn extra recess on Fridays. This is just an idea that I had today that I still need to talk over with my CT. I've also started rewarding the students with stickers more frequently. I've noticed that the students who do not respond as well to verbal praise are coming around and starting to make a point to earn a sticker. The sticker is, of course, accompanied with verbal praise so that it can be reduced in frequency later on. I also realized that some of the behaviors that occur in the classroom that irritate me are simply just the way the room is set up. You have more behavior problems when students are crowded so it makes sense that I get irritated during carpet time. Not only are the students having trouble sitting still because there is no defined space, but I am feeling a little crowded which makes me more irritable. The students are also closer together so they are more likely to talk, play, or touch each other. And I'm not sure that I would have my students sitting in groups. A lot of the unnecessary talking that occurs is because the students are facing each other. I favor the idea of having group activities planned for a certain time of day so you just move the desks and/or chairs once during the day and then move them back before you go home. I also got some great tips for strategies to try with the child with autism so we can start working on him managing his own emotions and problems. My goal for this week is to make sure that I remember that the students are 6 and 7 and need lots of reminders and reinforcement. I'm also going to remember that my room would not have to be set up the same way as the class I'm in now.

recently...

2005-10-10T23:23:00.000-05:00

Two Saturdays ago I had the rest of my back tattooed. It still needs to be colored in but the outline is healing quite nicely. I'm not going to post pictures of it on Flickr because it is a custom design and I want to protect Eric's work and keep my tattoo original. If you're a friend of mine I'll email you a picture once I find my @%&*! camera software and re-upload it.

This past weekend I went to Abilene for Christopher and Heather's wedding. It was a gorgeous event. The day was calm and they seemed to have fun. It was at Erinshire Gardens which is probably the most beautiful place in all of Abilene. I didn't know anything like that could exist in West Texas. When I'm in Abilene at Christmas I think I'm going to need to make a trip out there,take a walk, and take more pictures. Unfortunately in December the monarchs won't be passing through and probably not very many flowers will be in bloom.

Also, I'm not sure I want to be a classroom teacher. I'm considering a number of other options that would still put me working with elementary age children. Among the options are speech pathologist, counselor, and librarian. I also think that I would like to be a tattoo artist. I just don't know. Luckily I don't have to decide yet. And no matter what I decide I know my education will not have been a waste.

I must also recommend a wonderful book. It is Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I can say nothing except that it is amazing. I cannot imagine how a story that interesting can come out of someone's mind. For now I'm going to forgo the fiction and focus on the plethora of other books that I have. Father Bruce has been kind enough to lend me a Bible with the Apocrypha in it, the Gospel of Thomas, The New testament and Other Early Christian Writings, and two books on Lectio Divina. I also have The Cloister Walk, The Rule of Benedict, Traveling Mercies: Some thoughts on Faith, New Seeds of Contemplation, and a Thomas Merton reader. All this to read while student teaching. Aye!! What a time for a thirst for faith and a thirst for information to hit. But I'm glad it has. I just wish that I had time to sit undisturbed and drink in all the words and wisdom these sources have to offer.

week 5 reflection

2005-10-10T23:22:00.000-05:00

During week five I got the chance to observe several parent conferences. It is amazing in the different reactions of parents. One parent said she'd tried everything and nothing works to discipline her child. Some parents are concerned about what their child needs help on and will even request extra work for practice at home. Some parents seemed concerned for no apparent reason over behavior or academics while others give the impression that the problem only exists at school. It was a beneficial experience to see my CT talk with the parents. She started the conferences out on positive notes and tried to put positive spins or seem hopeful for situations that are not ideal. After one conference she'd had to tell a parent something they didn't want to hear and she expressed her nervousness to me after the conference was over. It was good to see that even after 5 years of teaching she still is not sure how to handle some situations. Some very interesting information can be revealed at conferences. Some of the students were there with their parents and being able to see the dynamic between parent and child can be a window to a child's behavior. There is a student in the class who is quite inattentive and my CT found out that it is because he needs tubes in his ears. It is something that should have been caught when he was a toddler, but for one reason or another it wasn't. The mom is in the process of trying to get this taken care of. It was an eye-opener for my CT and I. Of course he has a hard time paying attention, we sound like we're talking to him under water. I hope he gets the procedure taken care of soon because he is already behind. I would also like to see first hand the difference that it makes. One of my goals is to try harder to take into consideration more frequently things outside of school that affect the students.

week 4 reflection

2005-10-02T19:19:00.000-05:00

This week was more frustrating than others. It didn't have anything to do with the kids, but with all the other stuff that goes on. I'm beginning to tire of half of our meetings being complaining and griping. We have meetings during planning time twice a week and a grade level meeting after school once a week. I don't feel like much is accomplished in these meetings. A couple of the teachers are trying to make an agenda to help keep the group on topic and on some kind of similar train of thought. I'm also tired of hearing the teachers talk about each other. The school is using a language arts program called Balanced Literacy. It is a good program, but doesn't leave much time for subjects other than math. We are also using a new math program that is interesting. There is not enough time in the day to cover an entire lesson, which makes it hard to reteach if needed and not get behind. In the last couple of weeks we've spent a few days on clocks, a few days on money, one day on addition and the very next day on subtraction. It doesn't seem to allow the kids time to master a concept before moving on to the next one. The teachers are extremely frustrated because they are being told that they have to fit in science on top of all this. The kids need to learn science, of course, but the teachers are being required to use these other programs that take up so much time. And the principal has told the teachers that she wants them to be pulling reading groups throughout the day. The low readers are supposed to be pulled for reading groups everyday. First grade is still mostly group instruction. The only thing they do independently is workstations. It is almost impossible to teach what you need to and pull for reading groups more than once a day. It just seems like there are some very unrealistic expectations. I don't know if it's just the school, if it's this district, or if this is pretty typical but this last week has been kind of discouraging.

tidbits

2005-09-25T17:17:00.000-05:00

Gaelic: Ta athas orm. (taw ah-hus uh-rum)
English: There is joy upon me.

I have no image of God other than an undeniable truth and as love. I was told my God may be growing up.

The Corpse Bride is a good movie. I enjoyed it a lot.

I was around a smoker and didn't crave or cringe.

I am in a pretty awesome place in my life right now.

week 3 reflection

2005-09-25T16:32:00.000-05:00

On Thursday of this last week I substitued for my CT. I had my first instance (of this semester) of being extremely frustrated while teaching. The math lesson was introducing rulers. The kids were supposed to practice drawing lines with rulers, then use the rulers to make a star on a worksheet. Half of the students simply did not understand what I was showing them. They would draw lines without the rulers or put the ruler on the paper and draw without their pencil against the edge of the ruler. I think that I did not explain to them well enough how to do this. Using a ruler is something that most adults don't think about so I don't think I explained it step-by-step. I just assumed that it was something that would come naturally. The next day my CT retaught the lesson and I saw the differences in the way she showed the kids how to use the ruler and the way I showed them. She was much more specific in her directions. Next time I have to introduce a new tool to the kids I'm going to write down step-by-step what you do beforehand and try to think about how it would be if you'd never used the tool before.

That same day I think I applied some important philosophies that I had been taught. That morning all the kids came to school talking about the hurricane. It was quite obvious that all the kids were thinking about it. At the beginning of calendar time I took about 10 minutes and we talked about hurricanes. I think it kept us from having a lot of interruptions throughout the day about it. Later that afternoon I was reading a book to the kids and they simply could not focus. I was getting frustrated and was feeling like I wanted to give the entire class a write-up. Instead, I put the book down and told the kids that they had two minutes to talk. I explained to them that the class seemed to be having trouble focusing and not talking, so I was going to give them two minutes to stay at their spot on the carpet and talk so they could get it out of their system. After that we would re-focus and try again. I've had professors teach that these are good things to do and I know that they are, this is just the first time I have actually put it into practice and it seemed to be a worthwhile use of time.

relaxation

2005-09-24T00:18:00.000-05:00

Tonight was a wonderfully relaxing evening. We got out of school early because of the hurricane so I had extra time. My evening was filled with napping, reading, chicken tortilla soup with the fam, ice cream and looking at photos with Kathy, and a dash of insanity provided by children. Now I'm off to bed at the late hour of 10:30. :)

week 2 reflection

2005-09-18T22:50:00.000-05:00

For some reason I understand students with autism. I can usually tell the difference between being stubborn and autism and I'm able to be straightforward with them. I think this comes from both of my parents having a background of working with people who have special needs. This last week I feel like I really made a connection with our FOCUS student, he is autistic. I have talked with the FOCUS staff members and they've told me the steps that they use when trying to help a student de-escalate. My cooperating teacher and I are now using the same technique because consistency is always good. On Wednesday he got in trouble and became very upset when I gave him a write-up. We called the FOCUS staff and they talked about what had happened. The rest of the afternoon he kept telling us that he was happy now. This week he's started engaging my CT and I in conversation, which is huge for a person with autism. They tend to be very inward focused. On two different occasions this week he was working with other students during workstation time. One of those times was even a station that he told me he didn't like and fought against going to it earlier in the week. The peers at his table are usually great with him. They try to offer to help him, but most of the time he just wants one of the teachers to help. A couple of times this week he's accepted the help of the other students at his desk. It is just amazing to see him integrating into the classroom. He still has his difficulties, of course, and he still needs extra attention to stay focused, but I have seen him make progress in the two weeks that I've been in the classroom. I've also seen progress with a couple of other students who have more behavior issues than most. It also makes me feel good to see a student smile at me at the end of the day, even when I've had to discipline them. I am still making a conscious effort to make sure these students don't just get negative attention from me. I'm having a great time working with the students and it is so exciting to see the progress they are making.

reflections 1,2 and 3

2005-09-11T20:25:00.000-05:00

I have weekly reflections that are required for student teaching. I'm gong to be posting them here as well to help keep people who are interested up to date.

Prior to student teaching, Reflection 1
The first meeting for student teaching was extremely stressful for me. As all the requirements for the entire semester were laid out before us, I began to panic. I wondered how I was possibly going to get all this done. There is so much surely I will forget something. I'm still concerned, but not as much as before. I have my calendar where I've laid out some of the more looming projects, I'm going to start making lists so that I know what work is the most pressing, and I'm going to start on the large projects before I think I need to. I think that student teaching will be a fun and valuable experience, I just hope I don't get caught up in the stress.

Prior to student teaching, Reflection 2
After spending two full days with my class and my teacher I am considerably less stressed about student teaching. I quickly remembered how comfortable I am in this setting and how much fun teaching is. I can already tell what some of the challenges in the class are going to be. There is one student who has autism. This student is extremely smart and able to do the work, but he needs extra prompting and attention at times. This is not difficult to do while my CT is teaching, but it will be hard to attend to him as needed when I'm teaching the class. My CT told me to step in, not to feel like I had to sit at the back of the classroom and observe, so I did. I was following her discipline model and gave a student a write-up. The student got mad at me and began to cry. I tried to talk to her about it but it seemed as if she was crying just for attention. There is going to be a bit of a struggle with this student. She seems to feel that the rules don't apply to her like they do to everyone else. I did make an effort later in the day to praise her for promptly starting work and walking quietly in line. Although she may be difficult to deal with, I don't want her to feel that every time a teacher notices her is when she is being difficult.

Week 1
I spent this week getting to know the students, my CT, and the other 1st grade teachers. I spent more time working with the child with autism and had a couple more struggles with the student who cried last week. I stepped in a few times and continued a lesson when there was an unforeseen interruption in the class. One day a student from another class was brought into our classroom because he could not get his work done in his own classroom. My CT had to deal with it immediately. I stepped in and continued the focus poetry lesson. We were spelling out words on the word wall. The students were distracted by the interruption and did not respond immediately to me. I stopped and reminded them that they were to treat me the same way they treated the CT. Just because she had to deal with an interruption did not mean that class stopped and they got to goof off. I feel like the students are trying me, which is perfectly normal. I am not hesitating to discipline or reward them. They get stickers for appropriate behavior and get write-ups from me, just like they do from my CT. I had felt like my CT was giving the students too many chances before she followed through with discipline at the middle of the week, but on Thursday and Friday it didn't seem that way at all. All I can do is try to make sure that I remain consistent with what I do. Overall I like my CT and the students in my class. I think this is going to be a great placement for me.

church

2005-09-11T16:44:00.000-05:00

Some of you may know that I haven't been to church in awhile, probably around 6 months or so. Last Sunday and today I went to St. Mark's Episcopal Church. I'm very excited about going there. Here are some things that I find inviting...
-focus on individual spirituality (everyone experiences God in a different way)
-learning about different types of prayer (praying the hours, rosary, lectio divinia, etc)
-focusing on the inner transformation in striving to be more like God rather than focusing on how sin has separated us from God and made us horrible, detached beings.
-more awe surrounding God and the Bible
-no set doctrine that you have to follow

I talked with Father Bruce for about an hour after church today and have an appointment to talk with him week after next. I'm looking forward to finding out more about the church and finding ways for me to connect with God. What I grew up with doesn't fit my personality. I'm excited to develop my own rule of life. A rule of life is basically a set of practices that help you regulate your life and keep things in balance.

New Orleans

2005-09-04T09:33:00.000-05:00

I don't watch the news very much. I find it depressing or frustrating most of the time. I knew there was a hurricane heading towards the states but I figured it would be like most other hurricanes. While lives lost are not something we should get used to, hurricanes happen every season. Then on Wednesday people at home group were talking about the devastation that had occurred in New Orleans. I called my friend Eric who lives in New Orleans to make sure he and his wife were okay. They just moved down there at the end of the spring so she could go to grad school and he was going to open his own tattoo shop. They are safe and all of their friends are safe and accounted for. If only every one could be so lucky. I still haven't watched the news because I can't take the heartbreak of watching and not being able to do much. I hear the horrible news through other people because, like 9-11, this is what everyone is talking about. I've been to New Orleans. It was only for a few days, but what a wonderful city. So full of history, incredible traditions, fantastic music, good food, and a wide array of people. I hope that the city can be rebuilt to represent all of this again. If you pray, please pray for all the people affected by the devastation. The people of New Orleans, of Alabama, the schools and families taking in those that have been displaced, and the people in government whose responsibility it is to clean up and provide care. If you want to do something, donate money. I have added a link to the Red Cross on the sidebar.

new chapter

2005-08-31T09:07:00.000-05:00

Today I start a new chapter in life. I'm about to observe and then experience what the majority of my professional life will be like. I'm going to have to become super organized. I think I'm going to become the Queen of Lists simply so I won't forget to do anything. I've already met my cooperating teacher and she seems nice. I'll be student teaching in a first grade classroom at a school here in San Marcos. It's not the one down the street from my house, but it's close enough.

In 4 days it will be my birthday. Yippee!! I'm excited because my mom is coming down to visit.

Well, I need to finish getting ready to go practice being a teacher.

Canada, part two

2005-08-19T16:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'll start where I left off.

Day 4 August 4
This is when almost everyone else arrived. Devin arrived from Dallas and my dad and his wife Jenni and Christopher and Heather arrived from Abilene. We all went and ate at Boston Pizza. Earlier that day Fanny and I had run errands downtown together. There is this fantastic store called Silk Rose where they have an entire wall of tea. All the tea is loose in metal containers and you scoop it out into a tin and then pay for it. They had all kinds of blends. It was just so cool. I really enjoyed the time I got to spend hanging out with Fanny, even if we were running errands. After Boston Pizza I seriously needed some time to myself. So when we got to the house I went down the street to the potato/corn field and picked blackberries. I spent about an hour out there and was once again sane when I returned.

Day 5
On this day my mom, Christopher, Heather, and I went to a hotel because Francine and Guy (Fanny's parents) were coming back into town and they were staying at the house. We also had the girl night with the bridesmaids. Fanny, Heidi, and I went and got pedicures. I was quite skeptical at first but decided why the hell not. For those of you who know me, you know I'm not very girly and I don't like strangers in my personal space. But to my surprise, and the surprise of others, I really enjoyed it. It was relaxing and it was fun because all three of us were in the same room so we got to talk. I picked out a nail polish to match my pink hair. Then the three of us went to Rebar, a modern vegetarian restaurant, and met up with Janet. We had fun talking and eating. The food was delicious. I had an almond burger (think veggie burger with almonds, but incredibly wonderful) and I had a date square for dessert. For my drink I had a Herman's Dark Lager. It's not as dark as Guiness, but darker than Shiner. Once again, fantastic. I think I could get pretty close to being a vegetarian in Victoria because there is such a wide variety of wonderful foods there. Then Fanny took me to the hotel and she went home to see Daniel and her parents.

Day 6
On this day Daniel's friends Nate and Michael arrived. My mom, Christopher, Heather, and I ventured out on our own. We went down to the wharf and ate. It was so good. I had a pound of fresh mussels. Let me rethink the vegetarian statement, I couldn't be because there is so much fresh seafood. I'd probably be huge from all the wonderful food there is to eat. We walked around and looked at the floating houses docked to the piers. They weren't house boats, but floating houses. One of them was for sale. It was very interesting. That night we had a BBQ at Daniel and Fanny's house. There was a lot of people there. There was Daniel, Fanny, Francine, Guy, my mom, Christopher, Heather, me, my dad, Jenni, Devin, Nate, Michael, the other Michael, Heidi, Janet, and Matthew. I think that's all. I think this is when I met Fanny's parents for the first time. They are such sweet people. We talked, drank, ate, and generally had a wonderful time. Fanny's parents wanted to get the people in my family something from Quebec so they asked Fanny what each of our interests were. They got my mom a porcelain flower pin (very pretty), Christopher some cedar jelly and pickled milkweed pods (similar to capers), Heather a coffee-print apron, my dad and Jenni a cd of Quebec folk(drinking) music, and me a Celtic triskel necklace made out of nails. My mom had framed a couple of engagement pictures for them. I thought it was extremely thoughtful for them to go to the trouble to get things that each of us was interested in. We stayed up late, then went back to the hotel to sleep.

Day 7
This was the day before the wedding. Mom, Christopher, Heather, and I got up and went to eat lunch at a pizza place, then we headed over to St. Anne's for the rehearsal. The rehearsal took about an hour and was very laid back. After the rehearsal was over we had a little bit of drama, then mom, Heather, and I just went walking around in the touristy/downtown area near the inner harbor. This is where we saw the fiddle playing Darth Vader. Which, by the way, my picture has migrated to a sight owned by one of Sean's friends. That night I stayed with Daniel and Fanny because since we had limited cars I needed to be with Fanny for pre-wedding stuff. Fanny and I stayed up till 1 am talking and drinking wine.

Day 8-Wedding Day
I woke up and helped Francine get the flowers for the wedding ready. Then Daniel, Fanny, and I went and dropped off a few things for the woman who took care of the food for the reception. Then Daniel dropped Fanny and I off at Humboldt House where we ate a pastry. Then Fanny got the room to herself for a little while so she could relax and I went down to the beach with a book and camera in hand. I was afraid I wasn't going to find the beach (leave it to me) but then I saw the huge totem pole and knew which direction to head. I went to the beach and was sitting, watching the water, and smoking when a guy came up and asked to bum a cigarette. We talked for a few minutes and then he went back over to the person he was with. I sat and read for a little while. Then this guy came up and said 'Hello my Yankee friend.' I have never been called a Yankee before in my life!!! He was being friendly so I didn't get mad, but I did inform him that Yankees were from northern US, more specifically from New York. He bought another cigarette off me, talked a little more, and then left. I went down to the water, took a few pictures, looked at the rocks, and sat at the waters edge while enjoying my surroundings. Then as I was about to leave a girl walked up to me and wanted to buy a cigarette. Weird. I walked to the hair salon where Fanny, Heidi, and I had appointments. Talk about frustrating. I told the woman I didn't know what I wanted but she just kept asking me. I started to cry a little but she was messing with my hair so my head was down and I don't think anyone noticed. My hair ended up looking good. Then Heidi and I walked to Humboldt House where we briefly saw Fanny, then we got dressed and had our make-up done. Then we walked next to St. Anne's where were pictures were underway. We did the picture thing for a little while, then it was time to head into the chapel. I really can't tell you much about the wedding. I had to walk down the isle next to Heidi, with people staring. Then as soon as Fanny walked out the spotlight was off us, yea. It was a beautiful ceremony. Daniel and Fanny read some from Song of Solomon, Janet did a reading from John (I think) and another woman sang a song (possibly in Hebrew). Randy (the pastor) gave a wonderful, but brief, sermon, we served communion, the documents were signed, and Daniel and Fanny were pronounced man and wife. During the ceremony I couldn't look at Francine because she was crying. I was trying to keep from crying but when I looked at here it made it worse. (These were all tears of joy, just to make sure we're clear.) Then on to the reception. The reception was beautiful also. The food and cake were delicious. The beer was good. Daniel and Fanny danced. Monty Python was quoted to get the couple to kiss. There was a variety of music played. And a good time was had pretty much by all. We went back to Daniel and Fanny's (they were at Humboldt House) and went to sleep. I talked with Guy a little bit after we got back. He was happy for Daniel and Fanny. He said that he knew that she was very happy.

Day 9
We got up and went to eat at Floyd's Diner with everyone who was still in town. That was basically my family and Fanny and her parents. We had a good time visiting but you could tell that Daniel and Fanny were ready to get on the road to Point No Point for their honeymoon. I thought it was sweet for them to see us all off though. We then went back to the house, packed up, visited, said our sad goodbyes to Francine. Then Guy drove us to the ferry, said goodbye to him, and began the long journey home. I'm sad that Guy and Francine live so far away. I was told that if I ever wanted to come to Montreal, just to call and I could stay with them. They said even if I just show up at their door, I was still more than welcome. I think I'm going to have to try to make it out there sometime in the relatively near future.

We had a long trip back. A ferry ride followed by a night in the Seattle airport. Then we flew to Denver, had a layover in Denver, then flew to San Antonio. We caught the shuttle back to the hotel, picked up the cars, and drove to San Marcos. I was home, but mom, Christopher, and Heather still had to drive to Abilene because mama had to work the next day.

Overall it was a wonderful trip. I'm happy that we got to spend the time with Fanny and her parents. It's fun to add such sweet people into the family, and I welcome them with open arms. Congratulations Daniel and Fanny, and God bless your marriage.

Canada, O Canada

2005-08-15T03:45:00.000-05:00

Here it is, the Canada post. It will be kind of lengthy so get ready. I'll try to get things in the order that we did them, but no promises.

Day 1 (August 1)
My mom and I went to San Antonio on the evening of July 31st to stay in a hotel that provided a shuttle service to the airport and long term parking. It was also easier because our flight left at 6:30 am on August 1st. The hotel was pretty crappy, but oh well. We actually got up on time and were eating breakfast at the Denny's next door by 4 am. For anyone who knows us, being on time is an amazing feat for anyone in the Priest family. We got to the airport and went through security and all without a hitch. We slept on the flight from San Antonio to Denver, had a short layover, and then dozed on the flight from Denver to Seattle. We had about 3 hours in Seattle before the ferry left for Victoria. We took a cab, my second cab ride of my life, to the ferry, checked our luggage, and ate. Then we walked around the pier area of Seattle. We went to the Harbor Steps where there were quite a few sculptures to look at. Then we waited in line to get on the ferry. The ferry ride was uneventful. I went on the back deck and enjoyed the cold and wind. I didn't see any whales, but it was a beautiful ride. We got to Victoria at about 7:30 and Daniel and Fanny were waiting for us. They took us to the house where we had a wonderful dinner of corn picked that day and sausage from Monsieur Saucisse (Mr. Sausage) in Quebec. These are wonderful sausages that Francine and Guy bring to Fanny when the come. This German guy makes the sausage and sells them at the market. We had chicken lemongrass, orange ginger, diablo, chorizo, and maple something. I don't like sausage and these were wonderful. We stayed up talking a while and then went to sleep.

Day 2
We slept in, then got up, had a leisurely breakfast. Daniel and Fanny made us wonderful cornmeal pancakes. I know, it sounds weird, but they were delicious. Then we went into town to run a few errands. Fanny went to get some things for the wedding and Daniel took us to Chinatown. Chinatown has the narrowest street in North America-Fantan Alley. That day we ate lunch at a Thai restaurant which was wonderful. It is called Baan Thai. We barely squeaked in for lunch, they close at 2 and we got there at 1:55. Then Daniel took us to Beacon Hill Park, which is very lovely. It has the tallest totem pole in the world at 127 feet, but we saw that another day. Daniel also took us by St. Anne's Academy which is where the wedding was held. And right next to that is Humboldt House which is the bed and breakfast that they stayed in the night of the wedding. Daniel and Fanny also got their new bed delivered that day. They had been sleeping on a futon and Fanny's parents bought them a new queen size bed. They are very happy with it. Mr. Darcy, one of Fanny's cats, was not happy. He was used to sleeping under the futon and it was also his refuge during scary times. He freaked out and went under the chair in the living room. But by the end of the trip he had adjusted.

Day 3
Fanny had to work in the afternoon/evening on this day. I don't remember what we did before she went to work, I think we just hung around the house. Then Daniel took us on a Sightseeing Marathon. We went to the breakwater, to the beach, to Beacon Hill Park to see the totem pole, to Mount Douglas, and to the Government House Gardens. The breakwater was very cool. Daniel and I walked out to the edge and had a look. We saw some interesting tubular seaweed. It had a spherical bladder that made it float and the rest of it was basically like a tube. You could step on it and it didn't give way. The beach was wonderful. We picked up some rocks and beach glass. We put our feet in the freezing cold water. The ocean up there makes the San Marcos River feel like a hot tub. It is interesting because the beach has rocks, not sand. The sound of the waves rolling back to the ocean over the rocks is an incredible sound. It's a combination of hissing and waves. The driftwood is also huge. I thought of driftwood as little pieces of wood but there it is trees. The totem pole was next I think. Anyway, it was dedicated in 1956. The art of totem pole carving had almost been lost so this guy decided to revive it and he made this totem pole. The figures, in order from bottom to top are: Gee-eskem (First Man), Hohoq the cannibal bird, Mukinookw the killer whale, Kle-akin the sea lion with a brown back, Kwikw the eagle, the grey colored sea otter with a halibut in it's mouth, Gwoy-im the whale with a man on it's back, T-sow the beaver, Lak-tote-pis the servant man of Gee-eskem, Miquat the seal with the spotted back, Uli-gun the black wolf, Hosagami who was Gee-eskem's potlatch record keeper, La-lox-undya who was a first man of another tribe (he was born a Kolus which is a mythological bird who was covered with down but never grew feathers), and Sinklah-ee who was the first man of another tribe (he was first created as Klesela, the sun). Then after that we went to Mount Douglas, or Mt. Doug as the locals call it. I'm not sure how tall it is, but I took a really cool 13 panel, 360 degree panoramic from the top. You could also see a snow covered mountain that is located in Washington from the top of Mt. Doug. The last thing of the day was going to the Government House Gardens. It was breathtaking. Victoria is the City of Gardens and they have something like 300 growing days per year. By that point in time we were exhausted and didn't see very much of the gardens. We got back, ate dinner, watched High Fidelity, and the Fanny got home. She had a rough day at work so we just did our own thing after that, I think.

To be continued with day 4

coming back to texas

2005-08-09T13:37:00.000-05:00

well, the trip has been wonderful. daniel and fanny are happily married and i have more wonderful family. it's been too crazy to blog any but i'll give details and post pictures when i get home. our plane leaves at 6:30 tomorrow morning so i'll be back at some point tomorrow. i don't remember exactly what time. i'm ready to sleep in my own bed and have my own space again. i'm not ready to come back to the texas heat or to be so far away from daniel, fanny, francine, and guy. :(

off to canada

2005-07-31T17:45:00.000-05:00

My mom is going to be here in about 15 minutes. Then this evening we're going to stay at a hotel near the airport in San Antonio that has long term parking and a shuttle to the airport. It will cost about the same as parking at the airport, but it's much easier because we have to be at the airport at 4:30 or so. I'm excited to see my brother and Fanny. And I'm excited to travel to a new place.

On Thursday the Collins hosted a BBQ for us. Us being me, Paul, Steven, Leanette, and Rich and Leslie. We had a great time. The food was awesome. Whoever thinks that the British have dull food does not know what they're talking about. It's because Britain doesn't have a strong food culture so they take in the food of any country that was in the British Empire. We hung out late again just talking. It was kind of funny because they don't have the bugs that we do in Britain. Louis was terrified of the cockroaches. It was quite a sight to see him overreacting about the bugs. Earlier in the day I went with Gordon, John-Luke, and Louis to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was suprisingly good. Then we went to Wal-Mart (John-Luke wanted to) and then to H-E-B to get groceries for the BBQ.

I'm really glad that the Collins came. I've enjoyed hanging out with them a great deal. I'm sad that they're going back, but hopefully I'll get to visit them again when I go overseas for school.

Well, I might post from Canada, I might not. Just depends on what's going on. But I get back the McMains will be back. YEA!!!! I like the Collins, but I miss my family. I hope they have a safe journey back to the US and the Collins have a safe trip back to Britain.

Hangin' out with the Collins

2005-07-25T19:06:00.000-05:00

So, I've hung out a couple of times with the Collins (the British people) and have had a lot of fun. Gordon is very interesting to talk to. Between traveling a lot and taking in forgien language students, they've seen a variety different cultures. Last Monday I was invited to eat dinner with them, we had BBQ. Through out the week I chatted with them here and there as I saw them. They spend one day out as a family and then Gordon stays in with the two boys the next day while Justine goes and does things that the kids wouldn't be interested in. Gordon says that Justine lacks the ability to sit still. On Friday Gordan and John-Luke (12 years old) invited me to go down the San Marcos River with them. We had fun. I went down the tube chute and John-Luke wanted to also. He was afraid of being sucked over the dam before the chute so he got out to wade with his tube closer to the chute. Well, as usual someone was standing in the middle of the tube chute (they do that so they can spin peoples tubes as they go down, very irritating) and John-Luke didn't want to run him over. So, he ended up being pulled down by the current, only he wasn't on his tube and he went down on his belly. He hit his hip on the rock and got a little scrape. They went down the Guadalupe River yesterday and he said he had more fun on the rapids there because he managed to stay in his tube. Then last night I hosted a little BBQ for them. Not as many people came as I had hoped, but that's because I had to move it from Friday to Sunday because I had forgotten about plans that I had already made. So it was the four of them, myself, my friends Steven and Paul who I used to drive buses with at the university, and a friend from my home group, Cole. We had a good time sitting around talking about everything from politics (we reassured him that he certainly wouldn't offend us by saying that Bush is an idiot), health care, religion, cultures, etc. It was wonderful food (thanks Steven) and wonderful company. When we finally said goodnight at 1:30 Gordon looked like he was going to fall asleep standing up. Even though it's been strange not having the McMains around, I've really enjoyed the company of the Collins.

Update

2005-07-18T19:18:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in the last post, my mom visited the last few days. We went to the outlet mall and she got a dress for Daniel and Fanny's wedding. I found some dress shirts for student teaching. We also ate at the Hill Country Grill. It was fantastic. It is in a building that used to be a bank. The Newton Boys Gang robbed a long time ago. The people who own the resturant did a fabulous job of restoring the place and keeping it original. It's a little pricey, but definately worth it next time your in San Marcos.

I got a digital camera and it is awesome. It is a Canon Powershot A95. It was more than I wanted to spend but I'm glad I bought it. The cameras in the price range that I originally had in mind were around 3.2 megapixels. That is fine for what I would use it for but it is already on the low side of average for cameras. Since I don't want to buy a camera that is almost ancient technology, I went ahead and spent a little extra money. It is the same model, but a newer version, of the camera that Sean and Kathy have. I've used their camera before and really like it. So I'm already a little bit familiar with how the camera works and know the quality of pictures that it produces. It has 14 shooting modes so I can choose to mess around with the shots or I can choose the 'point and shoot' option. I've taken quite a few pictures and will post them on Flickr momentarily.

The Brits got in on Saturday evening. My mom and I talked to them for about 20 minutes. They seem to be very nice people. He does some kind of advising for colleges around Great Britian so I'm going to try to talk to him about the colleges in Ireland while they're here. I haven't seen them since Saturday. They were gone all day yesterday, and I haven't gone in the house today. Turns out they come to the states twice a year. They've been to 36 states. That's more than most Americans have been to. They've done the houseswapping thing on multiple occasions and said they've never had any problems, so I feel a little better about them being here. (for those of you who aren't aware, here are a few posts at Sean's site that might explain the why the Brits are staying in the house. Click here .) It's still weird to think that if I go in the house there might be people I don't know instead of the McMains. I already miss the McMains.

Last night I went over and hung out with Steven and Paul. We watched 'Be Cool' with John Travolta and Uma Thurman. It was a pretty funny movie, kinda bizarre though. We also watched an episode of '30 Days.' It's made by the same guy who did 'Super Size Me.' They take a couple of people and put them in different situations for 30 days. In the first one, the guy and his girlfriend live off of minimum wage for 30 days. The one we watched last night had two people who are major consumers. It was estimated that just the two of them would need 12 planets for the amount of stuff they used and the amount of waste they produced. So they went and lived at an eco-place for 30 days. We're talking solar panels, grow your own food, recycle your crap for compost, no makeup, no sewers, etc. It was pretty interesting.

Well, I'm going to download my pictures and post them on Flickr now.

The British are coming!

2005-07-16T13:27:00.000-05:00

"One if by land, and two if by sea;" (Paul Revere's Ride by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

Actually, I know they're coming by land. They are coming by way of Houston in a rental car. Well, I dropped the McMains off at the airport this morning. I was really sad to see them go. I know they'll be back but I'll be three weeks without my family. They are so excited and I hope they have a wonderful time. I hope the British family that is staying here has a wonderful time also. I'm trying not to freak out that there will be strangers living in my house (I know the house is not mine, but this is my home). Kathy did an amazing job of getting all the kids packed and ready. She was still worrying about the house while we were in the car this morning and I told her to stop. My mom and I finished the last touches of cleaning when I got back from the airport. We cooked breakfast for them this morning which was fun. I also made black bean soup last night. A pound bag of beans makes a lot of soup so I was more than happy to feed the McMains. Of course only Sean and Kathy ate the soup, but the kids ate the salad and the bread. I enjoy helping out and was glad that I could lighten the burden on Sean and Kathy at least a little bit. I don't have much more to say right now, but I'll be sure to update you on the Brits tomorrow or the next day.

salsa dancing

2005-07-09T04:16:00.000-05:00

I just got back from going out dancing with Kathy and Sarah. We had a blast. Dancing is so much fun and it's such a good release to get fun exercise. It was so hot at the place we were at. I'm having a snack (suprise, surprise!!) and then I'm going to bed. Tomorrow morning I'm going Dallas to visit Jes at her new place. Hopefully I'll get to stop and see Stephanie on my way into Dallas tomorrow. I won't be around a computer till Wednesday afternoon, but when I get back I'll post the couple of pictures that Kathy took tonight. Goodnight.

adventures in babysitting

2005-07-08T11:22:00.000-05:00

Since last night was Thursday, I was babysitting so Sean and Kathy could have their date night. I like Thursday nights with the kids, we always have fun. Last night I took the kids and three of their friends (a total of 7 kids) to the river. The friends are 12, 14, and 16 I think so it wasn't bad at all. When we left the river storm clouds were coming in and it was starting to lightning a little bit when we dropped the friends off. We got back to the house around 8:30 and I was suprised to see that Sean and Kathy were back already. As the kids reluctantly started their chores, it started pouring. It was a wonderful summer evening thunderstorm. Lots of rain and thunder and lightning. Around 9:00 there was lightning, a loud clap of thunder, and then no electricity. The kids didn't freak out, to my suprise. I had been in the bathroom with Maggie while she brushed her teeth, so I was leading her back to the living room. Emily came out of her room with a battery operated desk light and we all convened in the living room. Kathy pulled out candles and lit one for every child. Emily took her candle to her room, Kathy went and laid back down (headache) and Sean, the kids, and I went on the front porch to look at lightning. It was very impressive. The storm was right on top of us and a couple of lightning bolts made it look like daylight outside. I tried to explain to Maggie that the noise of the thunder was just the clouds expanding really fast and that it couldn't hurt her (why do I give scientific explanations to 4 year olds?) but she was still scared. The kids wanted to go in so we all filed in off the front porch. The kids put their candles on the coffee table in the front room and Sean fixed them a snack. Emily rejoined us because her candle had gone out. After that, he read a chapter out of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis. The power still wasn't on so Sean told the kids that they could camp out in the front room and quietly tell stories until the power came back on. We sat and chatted for a little bit then Abby wanted to tell a story. It was pretty bizarre and drawn out, but of course hilarious. Toward the end of her story, the power came back on. She was disappointed and wanted to finish her story in the candlelight so she turned the light off. After she finished the story the kids made quite a production of blowing out the candles. Then they were off to bed and I went to my room to watch tv and go to bed. It was a few minutes before 10 when the lights came back on. The power had only been off for an hour, but it had seemed like much longer. I enjoyed sitting in the living room with the family and enjoying the storm, the lack of electricity, and the company. I was glad that Sean and Kathy were home because I'm not sure I could have successfully kept the kids entertained. Plus, it is more comforting for kids to have their parents home, safe, and keeping them safe during a storm. Thanks for the fun evening family.

ponderings

2005-07-03T00:13:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about some things lately. It's only been two months since Dan moved but I'm having a hard time being by myself. And I know it would be unhealthy for me to be in a relationships and I wouldn't be any happier, but I would have a distraction from working on my own problems. Here are somethings I've realized as a result of some conversations with people I trust and people who have been through similar life situations as I have.
-I create crisis for myself. I have a hard time being satisfied when things are going well so I freak out.
-Being with someone and being more concerned about them instead of myself is familiar so it is more comfortable than trying to deal with my shit.
-Since I have been in one serious relationship or another since I was 16, I don't know how to feel without responding to someone else. It sounds silly, but sometimes I just don't know how to feel because I don't have someone else to react to. You would think it wouldn't be that hard to know your own feelings, but it is.
-My 'inner child' (it sounds cheesy I know, but a person who I respect has suggested that I think about this) has some kind of fear about being alone and that is why I need to have someone around me, even if it's just a warm body.
-I think my anxiety and dislike of people (crowds, not individuals) has something to do with my depression and my inner child.
-Even though I have a crush on someone, I know it would be a really bad idea to pursue that person and I need to be able to articulate that in case this person, or anybody for that matter, expresses interest in me.
-I do not need to go to New York to visit Dan this summer.
-I am ok with the fact that I don't want to teach right now. I have the rest of my life to teach, just like I have the rest of my life to get married, I don't need to rush into it now just because that's what most people my age are doing.
-I'm focusing on one day at a time. Sometimes thinking about a week in the future is overwhelming, so I'm only going to concentrate on what I have to.
-I can't wait to go to Ireland, and if I still don't want to teach when I'm through with my Master's degree, I'll find different intersting jobs to do until I'm ready. If that's 15 years from now, that's fine. It's my life and I have to do what works for me.
-I've become ok with the fact that I can't sit through church right now. I've sat through two home groups and not been depressed to that's a major improvement.
-I have a lot of freedom right now and I'm trying to be content, if not joyful, so that I can enjoy this time period in my life.
-I'm going to get more tattoo in August and I'm so excited.

Well, I've had all these things rolling around in my head and just needed to get them out into a more concrete form so I can think about them in a more orderly fashion.

5 more days

2005-06-29T09:39:00.000-05:00

AUGH!!! Only five more days of school left and I'll be finished with classes. I have a bunch of stuff do which only makes me want to work less. Just five more days, just five more days....

new pics

2005-06-29T00:46:00.000-05:00

there are new pics on flickr.

wonderful song

2005-06-22T09:12:00.000-05:00

She
words: Bergquist/Detweiler
music: Bergquist
recording: OHIO
artist: Over the Rhine

What she would like to do
Is get you out of her head
She's tried every trick
She's so sick of thinking about it

What's so special about you
You're an ache she's learned to crave
You're a blade too dull to raise

But she cuts herself
On you every night
She's just dying
To lay down the knife

What she would love to do
Is get you out of her bed
She's played it over and over and over
In her head

But she cuts herself
On you every night
She's just dying
To lay down the knife

She clings to what's familiar
She thinks a change would kill her

What she ought to do
Is put a gun to your head
For all the things you said and did

But what she will not do
Is let you go before you're gone
It's everything that's ever been wrong
But it's all she's ever known

So she cuts herself on you every night
She's just dyin' to lay down her life

I like the way this song shows the cycle of continuing to do things even though they hurt us. This line is my favorite "She clings to what's familiar
She thinks a change would kill her."

nostalgia

2005-06-20T22:53:00.000-05:00

Child: "And God, I would like to be a cat. Could you please turn me into a cat, because I think it would be fun to play and sleep all the time."
Parent: "Honey, if God wanted you to be a cat he would have made you a cat."
Child (indignantly): "But God could change me into a cat if he wanted to."
Parent (patiently): "Yes, but He didn't make you one so I don't think that He's going to turn you into one now."
Child: "But He could if He wanted to!!!"
Parent (exasperated): "You're right. If God wanted to turn you into a cat He could."

such wonderful memeories from my childhood. no, it was not me (I just ate cat food), but i'm not sure if it will embarrass the person so you are left to guess who it was unless that person wants to identify themselves.

this was brought to my mind as i looked at KC lying on the rug in blissful sleep and thought how wonderful it must be to have the most troublesome thing in your life be children who look at you while you're trying to hide under the bed.

photos and flickr

2005-06-19T13:17:00.000-05:00

So now I have a cool link to whatever photos I want to share. Thanks to Sean who told me about Flickr for photo sharing and for emailing me the photos of my purple hair that Kathy took. Hopefully I'll get a digital camera this summer so that I can take and upload my own pics without having to bug someone else to do it.

certainty

2005-06-14T20:42:00.000-05:00

I went by the tattoo shop today because I was bored and I wanted to see when Eric was going to in from New Orleans. Granted I don't have money for more tattoos but I thought I could catch up and run some of my ideas past him. I ended up staying for about an hour and a half talking to Socks, one of the other artists there. When I talk with Eric and Socks I get such of a feeling of certainty from them. Neither of them believe in God, as a result of their own personal searches, and they seem to be very secure in what they believe. I can't remember the last time I was secure in what I believe, what I think, or even who I am. What brings this about? Many times I want to feel that certain about my life, even if it's a false sense of certainty. I can't stand feeling the way I do. Not knowing who I am, daily questioning what I believe or think I might believe, not being sure of much of anything any more. Eric and Socks both love their jobs, know what they think, don't give a shit what others think about them, and enjoy being on the 'fringe' of society. Sometimes I feel like I have dueling personalities because part of me enjoys not fitting in with the status quo. I would like to have the freedom to have tattoos where ever I want, have piercings if I wanted to, color my hair, swear, basically feel that I can be myself. But yet I'm choosing a career where I'm supposed to put forth the image of the social norm. Teachers are supposed to be role models which means, for some reason, that you can't have visible tattoos, etc, etc. I'm having doubts about teaching. I know I'm good at it and I enjoy it most of the time, but I don't want to do it right now. I want to do something different. That's a huge reason behind why I'm going to do my graduate work in Ireland. I'm not really sure what I want. This is all probably just rambling. But anytime I go to the tattoo shop I leave with something to think about. That's probably a good thing.

meeting Fanny

2005-06-11T12:39:00.000-05:00

Now that I'm not quite as depressed as I was the other night I'll write about meeting Fanny. She is wonderful. She is wonderful for Daniel. They are very similar but not so similar that they will stagnate with each other. She is more outgoing that he is, which is not hard to do. I loved her instantly. She took an immediate liking to the McMains and to our family. It is so bizarre to see Daniel all lovey-dovey with someone. But it is also cool. I'm glad that he has found someone who makes him feel that way. I don't have any profound thoughts except that I love her and welcome her into the family with open arms.

Misc.
I dyed my hair purple. I need to figure out how to post a picture so that others can see the snazziness that is my hair. After the purple fades, which it already is, I'm going to dye it green, then pink, and I haven't decided what will follow. Why you may ask? Because I can. I'm not working this summer and I student teach in the fall. I think it's fun to make easy outward changes. Maybe is a subconcious desire to control change. Since the other stuff I'm going through isn't easy and this is. Or, maybe it's just fun to do.

I'm getting settled in my room. Kathy and I moved my furniture around last night and I think I like the new arrangement better. I have most of my stuff unpacked but there is still quite a bit of organizing and going through papers to do.

I babysat the kids last weekend while Sean and Kathy went on an anniversary trip. It was wonderful. The kids were great. We spent almost all day on Saturday outside. We swam at the house, went to Playscape, and went to the river. Then the kids cleaned the house and did a great job. Abby (8) wanted to make a special lunch for them when they came back on Sunday. There wasn't really anything in the house to make a special lunch with so I suggested making a dessert. I found a recipe for chocolate cookies shaped into X's and O's. She really like that idea so she, with a little assistance, made the cookies. She wanted to have lunch ready for them but we didn't know exactly when they were getting back, so se also made stuff for BLT's so there would be lunch stuff ready whenever they got home. Maggie (4) wanted to give them a present also so she went and made their bed all by herself. The presents went over wonderfully, of course, and Sean and Kathy had a great weekend. (you can read about it here, at Sean's website.)

I also started school this week. I'm taking a science class for education majors, the lab, and classroom management. It's going well so far, just kind of boring. I had forgotten how much I hate summer school. I don't like spending from 10 am till almost 4 pm in class and then having to do my homework the same night. Having classes every other day during the regular semester spoils my procrastinating side. But I don't have any tests in my classroom management class and in the science class we get to use notes for our test.

Well, soon I'm off to float the Guadalupe with Stephanie and friends. She is moving to Dallas soon and we're having a going away party. We're going to be on the river for about 5 hours. I hope I don't roast. Then we're going to eat somewhere in Gruene. It should be fun.

Daniels'

2005-06-10T00:38:00.000-05:00

I was going to write a post about how much fun I had when Fanny was in town. About how wonderful she is and how great her and Daniel are together. I was also going to write about my snazzy (thanks Emily for the adjective) purple hair, and the new pink converse shoes that my mom bought me. But I talked to Dan and to Daniel tonight and now I'm just sad. I miss my guys. I want them to come back.

my new place

2005-05-27T11:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I have officially moved into the McMains. I spent my first night there on Saturday so I've been there about a week. I love it so far. It's pretty much what I expected. I can talk to Kathy almost any time and the kids want to hang out in my room all the time and play with the cats. Since I know the kids will be in there a lot this summer, I've set up a shelf with all my kids books, coloring books, crayons, markers, magnets to play with on the fridge, and some stuffed animals for them to play with. This way the stuff they play with has a central location so they can easily clean up after themselves.
The cats seem to be adjusting fairly well. Callie tolerates all the kids, even when Maggie (4) piles stuffed animals on top of her. KC is hanging out under the bed hissing at the kids and exploring when the kids aren't around. Callie really wants to go in the other part of the house, but that's not allowed.
The house is getting clean. Daniel is doing a wonderful job. So far he has cleaned the laundry room, kitchen, and bathroom. I really appreciate his willingness to clean so much at the house while I get settled at the McMains. I'm thrilled also because I talked to the landlord today and he said that I don't have to paint back over the kitchen cabinets. I had painted them a golden yellow to go with the sunflower theme in the kitchen. I just have to paint the one wall in my room that I painted light pink. I got a really cheap can of paint and I think I'm going to have to do three coats. Right now I'm letting the second coat dry.
Last night I had a bizarre dream. It involved being in Mexico with my mom, my younger brother, some other female family member, and some random people from church and one of Dan's friends. We were there during some kind of revolution. One group was killing off another group. The group that was getting killed off usually got spotted and shot while they were climbing up places, to put up signs I think. Anyway, the most vivid part of the dream was where there was a bunch of people in a swimming pool. The pool was so crowded that people were basically just standing around in the water. My mom and I were out of the pool. Some people noticed a man coming down out of the sky on the kind of rope that army guys come out of helicopters on. Well, one of the revolutionary guys shot him and he landed in the pool. People scattered and screamed as blood dyed the water red (although I don't remember being able to see the body). At that point I looked at the water, turned around, and threw up. There was another part where one of the people who worked in the hotel we were staying at was going to show us the menu for some food. For some reason we had to climb up on this ladder to get to it. I was terrified that we would be mistaken for some of the revolutionary people and be shot because we were climbing up on a ladder. The hotel worker assured us that we would be ok. I just remembered being so terrified. What a weird dream. I wonder what it stemmed from. I didn't wake up super hot last night, so I don't think that was it.
Well, there's not a whole lot else going on right now. Fanny gets in at 2 pm today and Kathy, Sean, Daniel, Fanny, and I are all going to eat at the Gristmill tonight. This weekend is Sean and Kathy's 10th wedding aniversary but they are going to put off their couple stuff till next weekend. Then Saturday is the party and the madness ensues, at least for Daniel. Updates later after the two hello Fanny, goodbye Daniel parties and my few days in Abilene.

recent goings on

2005-05-20T13:29:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I posted. On the 7th I got really sick. The doctor thinks I picked up a bug in Mexico. I was sick from Saturday the 7th till Friday the 13th. I didn't eat anything during those days either so I lost about 10 pounds. Daniel took wonderful care of me. He took and stayed with me for my two visits to the ER (for IV rehydration and antibiotics), went to the doctor with me, and got me food and prescriptions. What a great brother. My mom came down last weekend just in case I didn't get better. It was nice to have her here even though I was well. This week has been a mad rush to get stuff ready for the move and garage sale. Tomorrow is the garage sale and I'm moving the rest of my stuff tomorrow. Tomorrow night will hopefully be my first night at the McMains. It's all very strange to me. I can't believe Daniel is moving away and I'll be living with a family. It's beginning to hit home though as we go through stuff and make a mound of crap for the garage sale. I can't believe how much unneeded stuff two people can have. I'll post more about my Mexico trip later. Right now I'm listening to Over the Rhine and need to return to pricing dishes. WooHoo!!!

San Luis Potosi trip

2005-05-03T15:49:00.000-05:00

My trip to Mexico...where to begin. I had a blast. I went to San Luis Potosi (that is the name of the city and the state, it is the capital of the state. ) for the wedding of some friends that I go to church with. (If you go to http://www.maps-of-mexico.com/ and scroll down to the second box that's headed 'Mexico State Maps' you can click on the state of San Luis Potosi and it will bring up a 16 tile more detailed map. If you go to 3 tiles down and 2 over [from the top left], the yellow blob is the city. You can click on the tile for a more detailed map.) There were 25 people on the bus, 8 of us knew the couple through church, the rest was the groom's family. The trip down there wasn't so bad. We left San Antonio at 7:45 on Thursday night. We took a chartered bus, Noreste bus lines. The two bus drivers did not speak a word of English. Anyway, since we left late most people slept the majority of the trip. We stopped in Laredo to change over our money and we stopped about half way in at a rest stop to fill up with gas. The drive from San Antonio to Laredo was 3 hours and the drive from Laredo to San Luis Potosi was 10 hours. We got into the city about 8 am and were thinking that we wouldn't be able to check in to the hotel until the afternoon. Everyone was famished so we stopped at a resturant called Tokyio for breakfast. It's very interesting to not know what you're ordering for breakfast. I knew some of the words for almost every breakfast choice, but not enough to know exactly what it was. Most of what they had was eggs (huevos) which I did not want. I decided to be brave and I ordered the Echiladas Potosinas. They looked like fried tacos with farm cheese (some kind of white cheese, it was good) and some kind of salsa type stuff inside. It was good, but a little greasy because it was fried. The orange juice was the best I've ever tasted. From there we went to the hotel where the manager tried to charge us a higher rate that what he had quoted Sam and Alba (the bride and groom). Sam did his best with his limited Spanish and the managers limited to English to make it clear that they were going to give us the price they were quoted. When Alba got there she put her foot down. They tried to do the same thing when people were paying and checking out on Sunday. But Alba was there and it did not happen. The manager told Sam that it was only 30 pesos ($3) so what was the big deal. I guess he thinks we're rich Americans. We all could have afforded it but it was more the principle of the thing. Well, I have to get ready to go to work. More to come soon.

must sleep and exciting weekend plans

2005-04-28T02:21:00.000-05:00

I just got done hanging out with Steven and Leanette, friends from an old job. It's great to have friends who can force you to socialize so you don't sit at home and get depressed. On the down side it is very late and I don't even know why I'm typing this. I have to be in Austin at 8 am tomorrow for my last day at my internship in the preK class and it's an hour drive. Anyway, I'm going to Mexico this weekend. WooHoo!!! Kathy is whisking me away. Just kidding. A mutual friend of ours is getting married and we're going down for her wedding. I leave tomorrow evening and won't be back until early Monday morning. Anyway, hopefully I will have fun stories when I return. Steven said there's nothing we can do to prevent standing out like a sore thumb while we're down there. The advice I was given: take bottled water, pepto bismol, walk on the side of the sidewalk next to the buildings, don't go anywhere alone (I forgot to ask him if it would be okay if I went to the bathroom in the hotel alone, oh well, I'll chance it), and not to wear tank tops. Must sleep now, regret to follow at 5:30 am. Yuck.

latest news

2005-04-25T16:18:00.000-05:00

Well, I've kind of been dreading writing about this. I'm sure I'll start crying, but I need to get it out. Dan left for North Carolina on Wednesday of last week. I had been spending every possible waking moment with him. We (Kathy, Emily, Liam, Maggie, Dan, and I) got to the bus station about 1:15 because he was going to leave on the 1:45 bus. Well, that bus was full so he ended up leaving on the 3:05 bus. We were all sitting outside and I cried a little bit while he was on the phone with Dave, making all the last little things were in order. Kathy and the two younger kids went to Sonic to get Dan a burger and I was trying really hard not to cry. Kathy and the kids left about 2:00 and Liam just started crying. He was so sad. It got me started crying. After they left Dan put his arms around me and just held me while tried to gain my composure, but it wasn't going to happen. He was trying to make me feel better by telling me how much fun I would have living with Kathy. He said that he was sorry that he hadn't been someone that I could talk to easily. I had to go to work so we said our goodbyes. We just stood and held each other for a few minutes. I told him that I loved and he said that he loved me too and he was sorry that he hadn't said it before. I told him that I knew he did. He said that he was really going to miss me. When we stopped hugging I looked at him and he was all teary eyed. I can't believe that he cried. I went off to work and they won't let me drive because I'm too upset. They said they didn't need me that badly and that I should just go home. Well, Dan's bus hadn't left yet so I went back to the bus station. He was suprised to see me but glad that I had come back. I didn't start crying again. The bus came and we hugged again and Dan said 'Let's not cry this time.' So I went to my car and he got on the bus and I'll probably never see him again. I talked to him Friday night and last night. He seems depressed because he doesn't know what to do with his life. I just want him to come back. I miss him so much.

system overload

2005-04-18T01:14:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday I had a test that I thought was the next week. Tomorrow I have a portfolio covering an entire semesters worth of intern work. Tuesday I have another test and a slightly less dramatic portfolio. Thursday I have a teaching project due that I haven't even looked at yet. In the meantime I still have to complete hours for my two internships and try to sleep, eat, and go to work. I can't remember the last time I spent this much time on the weekend doing homework. I spent about half of yesterday and all of today working on this portfolio. And to top it all off, Dan is moving on Tuesday. I'm tired and starting to feel depressed. I think that I'll go to sleep now and finish this in the morning. All I have left is a reflection and describing how to set up grade book. Fun wow, man. First, I think I'll have a cigarette. And a word to the wise...procrastinating is a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, idea.

I have a plan

2005-04-12T12:47:00.000-05:00

Well, I have been on the anit-depressant for a little over two weeks now. I'm feeling better on a regular basis. Not a 'shiny happy drugged' better, but an 'I'm able to function' better. The slightest little thing doesn't make me want to cry and when something upsets me I'm actually able to move past it and not be depressed for the rest of the day. I have also come up with a plan. I am going to Ireland for graduate school. There are six schools, all of which offer a masters in elementary education. I'm more excited about the idea of living in Ireland for two years than the idea of getting my masters. I love Ireland and have wanted to live there ever since I visited in high school. The prices at some of the schools are similar to what I'm paying now so I think this is very feasible. Here are links to the universities in case you want to look around.
Trinity College Dublin (which I can't afford, the first year is a little over $15000)
University College Dublin
National University of Ireland, Galway
NUI, Maynooth
University College Cork
University of Limerick
I still have alot of looking around to do to figure out which one is my first choice. But I'm excited about the thought of going. Especially since I have decided I no longer want the goals I used to have right now. I have come to the realization that I'm still very young. I don't want to get married and have kids right now and I'm not ready to teach. I want to experience different things and do stuff that I won't be able to do once I settle down. So, in the fall I'll student teach (my tentative placement is San Marcos, YEAH), in the spring I'll work my butt off, and then hopefully next fall I'll be in Ireland. Did I mention that I'm extremely excited?

misc.

2005-04-02T13:55:00.000-06:00

On Tuesday I wrote a new post but the computer at school that I was using freaked out and it didn't take. So basically to sum up what I had written...I am now taking Effexor which is an anti-depressant. I have a few problems with it such as I don't want my moods to be fake and I feel like I should be able to work through this stuff myself. But even though it is just everyday stuff that I'm freaking out about, I haven't been able to work through it so maybe I do need the meds.
Yesterday I was actually in a good mood. Dan asked me if it was the meds but I don't think so because as of yesterday I'd only taken three half doses (37.5 mg). I had an easy route at work. I drove PreK kids which meant I had a monitor on my bus and she was fun to talk to. I drove that same route in the afternoon. During the middle of the day when I was doing my internship at Tobias Elem I was kind of annoyed with the kids, but not to the point where I wanted to cry. After my afternoon route I went up to the financial aide office and actually delt with an intelligent, nice, and helpful human being. How refreshing. Then I went and got my tattoo worked on. I still needed another round of ink over the cover-up part. Eric (my tattoo artist) is moving next week to New Orleans. He's going to open up a custom only shop which is super cool. But I'm disappointed because I still want to have more work done. He'll be coming back here every few months though because he has a ton of clients here with big projects going. He took some pictures of my back so that he can be thinking of ways to expand what I have. Getting tattoos and talking and planning with Eric about more always puts me in a good mood. I love tattoos. After that I watched a movie with Kathy and Dan. It was Million Dollar Hotel. Pretty interesting, but then again I think crazy people are fascinating. It was a bit slow at the end and I ended up dozing off (I do that quite a bit at the end of movies that I watch at night). Dan said that I didn't miss any huge details or anything. He and Kathy didn't really care for the movie. The night before we watched Boondock Saints. I thought it was a good movie. Dan and Sean liked it but Kathy didn't care for it. It's pretty violent and she doesn't like violent movies that much.
I'm in a good mood again today but I'm feeling a bit scattered. That usually happens when I have an unstructured day with lots of stuff I need to get done. My main focus is some school projects that I have put off until the last minute. I guess I should go do something productive now.

last couple of weeks

2005-03-28T02:46:00.000-06:00

There has been quite a lot going on the last couple of weeks. Two weeks ago was spring break which I enjoyed a great deal. I spent 90% of my time with Dan and I also went to Abilene for a few days where I got to hang out with Heather, Christopher, and mom. Heather and I did some wedding preparations. It was actually kind of fun and not as depressing as I feared it would be. The only thing that was disappointing was that my mom's spring break was the week before so I didn't get to hang out with her a lot. And Christopher and Heather had to work the whole time I was there. I also had a nice dinner with my dad and Jenni.
Over spring break I talked to my mom some about my persisting depression and general feeling of discontent. Some of these feelings are centered around church and teaching Sunday School. She suggested that I step down from teaching Sunday School and even take a break from church for a little while if I need to. I was going to have breakfast with the Children's Director the next week to discuss this, but on Sunday I had a break down. I was sitting in the sanctuary (teaching theatre: we mee on campus), Kathy sits down next to me, asks me something, and I just started to cry. So she grabbed me and we went to El Charro for breakfast tacos. We had to go back to the church so she could get her kids and husband and I needed my car. We went back to the children's area and I ended up talking to the Director then. She was very understanding and not at all upset. She certainly is a mother...she told me that she had a feeling that I was needing a break but was waiting for me to tell her. Sometimes I swear that mothers, mine included, have ESP. So yesterday was my last day to be involved in Sunday School and I haven't decided what I'm going to do about church.
Daniel had a great trip to Canada and loves Fanny more than ever. They are going to get married in August. I'm trying not to hate them. Seriously, I am very happy for them and for Christopher and Heather but since I am selfish it makes me very jealous. But I shouldn't care because Jes and I are going to be cat ladies together, like in the Simpsons. But my mom said that she was going to live in between us and we could take turns taking care of her. So I think a good plan is for Jes and I to alternate days or weeks, one of us caring for my mother while the other stands in the front yard, screaming jibberish, and throwing cats at people. That sounds much easier than putting up with a male.
Last Sunday night my grandpa died. He's been pretty sick for about two years, from the time he had a stroke. He got pnemonia (sp?) and didn't recover. I didn't go to the funeral for a number of reasons. One, I had no relationship with him. The last time I saw him, other than the time he had the stroke, was in high school and I don't remember that visit at all. So the last time I remember visiting with him and my grandma, I was probably in elementary school. Two, my dad did not go to the funeral. He and Jenni had an anniversary trip to Canada planned and their plane left the same day as the funeral. Three, the family dynamic is very tense to begin with and would probably be much more tense because my father was not going and I am not emotionally capapble of dealing with that much stress right now. My mom had offered to pay for me to go and even to go with me if my brothers weren't going. But I felt weird about going in the first place and would have felt even weirder if my mom had paid. She did buy a very nice floral spray with a Grandpa ribbon on it for us. She's so great.
My mom was here over our four day Easter weekend. Friday night my mom, Kathy, and I went out salsa dancing in Austin. We left around nine and it took us until 12:30 to find the club we had originally set out for. But in that time frame we had fun walking up and down sixth street getting a few drinks and trying to find other places to salsa dance. I love Kathy and I love my mom. I can't think of two more wonderful women to spend the evening with. I don't know what I would do without them. We got in at three in the morning so Saturday we slept late and were lazy. Sunday after church my mom, Daniel, Sean, Kathy, Liam, Maggie, and I all went and ate at Los Cucos, a new mexican resturant here in town. I invited Dan but he was asleep. Since I am so wonderful I took him my leftovers. The food was wonderful but I ate way too much. And for the previous 24 hours I had been eating from a new diet, eating according to your blood type. Most of the food I ate on Sunday was not on the list for A blood type. It was a bunch of dairy, carbs, and high acid food like tomato and peppers. I felt kind of queasy during the afternoon but my stomach calmed down after I ate leftover sesame chicken and steamed vegetables. It also could have been since I ate so much at once that my blood sugar shot up and then plummetted. Either way, I'd eat there again, just with a little more moderation.
Another bit of news, I go to the doctor tomorrow about my depression. This is on my mother's advice and the encouragement of Kathy, Jes, and a few other friends. It's just been steadly getting worse since December. Right now I just want to drop out of school. I having trouble doing anything productive which if that doesn't change will make a successful semester difficult to accomplish. I must admit I'm a little afraid of going on medicine. I know it's not supposed to be strong enough to alter your personality, but I'm afraid that it will. Anyway, I'm trying to go through with my school plans as scheduled and not make any major decisions until I'm a bit more rational. If I register now for summer and fall, I can always withdraw if I choose to, but if I don't register and then change my mind, I'm pretty well fucked. So I'm trying to just think about the next week and not much further than that because then I start to freak out.
And last but not least, the date of my guys moving has been pushed back. My brother isn't moving to Canada until June instead of the middle of May. This is basically just for finacial reasons. Dan isn't moving to North Carolina until May. His friend that he's moving out there with screwed him over so it's going to be a little while until he can fix his car. I don't know if he'll still move out there but I know he doesn't want to stay in San Marcos so he'll probably be moving somewhere.
Well, this is getting fairly lengthy and that's the majority of what's been going on in the last couple of weeks.

pinpointed

2005-03-18T02:09:00.000-06:00

This week is my spring break. I haven't done a damn thing. Friday through Tuesday I spent 90% of my time with Dan. His friend got a job in Charolotte so he's in the process of fixing his car so he can move there. Wednesday I went to Abilene, which is where I am currently. I've just been hanging out with my younger brother, his fiancee, my mom, and my dad and his wife. Heather and I went around today looking for ideas for stuff for her and Christophers wedding. On the drive up here I was listening to music and had an epiphany about the way I've been feeling lately. I can describe it in one sentence. I feel like something in my has burned out. I don't think died is an appropriate comparison because I feel like my old self is still in there somewhere. But as far as my hopes, dreams, goals, drive, and ambition go, they have all fizzled out for now. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to finish school. I don't even want to go back on Monday. I know, I just have senior-itis. This is much worse. I am totally unmotivated. Kids have been getting on my nerves. I can't think of lessons and I don't care enough to think about it before the last minute. I certainly am not ready to have a classroom full of kids this time next year so even as much as I hate school, the plan is to continue with my Master's degree as soon as I graduate in December.
Even though my job now is a million times better than my previous job, I certainly don't want to go back to it on Monday. Part of this has to do with the fact that kids are getting on my nerves. How hard is it to face foward and act like a human being for an hour on the bus. It shouldn't be that hard. Maybe I should just drive and let them kill each other back there. Survival of the fittest.
And since kids are getting on my nerves I certainly haven't been having any fantasies about being a mom lately. I watch my friend Kathy with her four kids (she's married to a wonderful man and they have a stable, Christian home) and I just cringe. I don't want to put up with all the nonsense that kids inevitably bring. And a co-worker of mine had a kid not to long ago and she told me not to have kids. She loves her daughter completely, but it changes your life forever and she wasn't quite ready for it.
And I certainly don't want any responsibility at church. I don't feel like I belong there. I don't feel like I can be myself. One Friday a month there is a 'lady's night' at one of the women's houses. I've never been because I used to work on Friday nights so that worked as a great excuse. Last month Kathy, Sarah, and I opted to go see a play in Austin and then go to the Elephant Room to drink beer and listen to great jazz music. I didn't want to go to the lady's night because I feel like I have to put up a front, and that's not a relaxing or fun way to spend an evening. I smoke, I cuss, I drink, I gossip, I get depressed, I'm a bitch, I have tattoos, I have sex, and I have some serious doubts about where I fit into the whole Christian thing. And I don't feel like I can be those things around most people at church. I already feel bad enough that I do all these 'bad' things and I teach Sunday School. I don't even feel like I should be at church. A couple of Sunday's ago I was sitting in church during the sermon and I could just feel the wall go up around me. I just didn't want to hear it. But part of not being able to be myself
and not wanting to let down the people I care about is why I keep going to church and teaching Sunday School. Sometimes I feel like if I just hold up the facade long enough I'll start to believe it.
So basically I'm depressed. You know those commercials with the bouncing smiley head/ball thing that ask 'Do you no longer enjoy things you once did?' Well, that's me.
I really don't want Dan to move. Even though he's certainly not open about his feelings and there are times I feel like he's virtually a stranger, I love him and I really enjoy his company.
Well, I could probably go on ad nauseum about all this, but I need to try to get some sleep. I have to go observe an inclusion class in the morning. Yeah...kids.

nature vs. nurture

2005-03-02T22:46:00.000-06:00

I've began to wonder how much of low self-esteem is passed through somehow with heredity and how much of it is learned through environment. My parents certainly encouraged me, loved me, and tried to make me feel like a competent individual. Yet I seem to not like myself very much. I'm not very confindent in my ability to make benificial decisions (I won't say good or correct decisions because I don't think there is a right and wrong decision for every situation, like what I'll choose for my Master's) for myself and I'm always worried about how or when things will go wrong and I'll get fucked over or I'll fuck someone else over. Rationally I know that I'm a relatively competent individual and that I can't control a lot of things, but I very rarely feel that way. This seems to be manifesting itself lately in a general sense of apathy. I can't get started on school projects and I feel like my personal situations are doomed no matter what I choose. I know that both of my parents struggled with self-esteem and guilt for whatever reasons. My mom has told me that even as a toddler I picked up on tension with or between my parents. So again, I'm not sure how much of this was learned, even though my parents certainly did not intend for it to be, and how much of it was passed down genetically. If it is learned, I don't know how to unlearn it. I was doing ok for a while, but it's so hard to face it day to day, especially when crisis occurs. Then it's a horrible cycle because I get so mad at myself that I feel this way, which makes me feel worse about myself. I went to counseling for a while, but I don't want to spend my whole life in counseling. I should probably go back but, back to the cycle, I don't think it will make a huge difference in the long run. I guess I'm at least a step foward from where I was because at least I recognize what I'm doing. I don't drink to excess or do drugs, but I do wallow in self-pity. I wonder if there's a support group for that...Hello, my name is Christina, and I'm a self-pitier.

personality test

2005-02-22T17:36:00.000-06:00

Big 30 Test Results

Sociability	\|\|\|	6%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|	2%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	11%
Activity Level	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Excitement-Seeking	\|\|\|	5%
Enthusiasm	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	28%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Trust	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Submissiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	75%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	41%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Modesty	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	69%
Sympathy	\|\|\|	1%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	47%
Confidence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	29%
Neatness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	44%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	15%
Achievement	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Self-Discipline	\|\|\|\|\|\|	14%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	41%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Volatility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	81%
Depression	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Self-Consciousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Impulsiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	67%
Vulnerability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	89%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	21%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|	17%
Artistic Interests	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	39%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Liberalism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Big 30 Key

Trait	.	low score	high score
Sociability	6%	socially reserved, detached	friendly, open
Aggressiveness	2%	mild mannered, uncompetitive	predatory, domineering
Assertiveness	11%	introverted, loner	controlling, aggressive
Activity Level	60%	relaxed, laid back	vigorous, high energy
Excitement-Seeking	5%	sedate, restrained	adventurous, wild
Enthusiasm	28%	somber, pessimistic	cheerful, optimistic
Trust	18%	suspicious of others	trusting of others
Submissiveness	75%	rebellious, lawless	dutiful, obedient, compliant
Altruism	41%	selfish, cold, austere	helpful, selfless, indulgent
Cooperation	82%	argumentitive, confrontational	conflict averse, meek
Modesty	69%	arrogant, self-satisfied	humble, unassuming, doormat
Sympathy	1%	callous, heartless	empathetic, warm
Confidence	29%	not confident in work	confident in work, egoistic
Neatness	44%	disorganized, messy	planner, clean, anal
Dutifulness	15%	dishonest, derelict	honest, rule abiding, proper
Achievement	60%	lazy, unmotivated	driven, goal oriented
Self-Discipline	14%	procrastinator	responsible, efficient
Cautiousness	86%	spontaneous, daring, reckless	careful, controlled, safe
Anxiety	82%	relaxed, fearless	fearful, worrier
Volatility	81%	calm, cool	touchy, tempermental
Depression	74%	content, balanced	emotional, self hating
Self-Consciousness	82%	confident, assured	low self esteem, shy
Impulsiveness	67%	high self control	low self control
Vulnerability	89%	resilient, unphased	confused, helpless
Imagination	17%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Artistic Interests	60%	artistic indifference	art, nature, beauty lover
Introspection	53%	not self reflective	self searching
Adventurousness	39%	conventional, safe	spontaneous, bold
Intellect	22%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Liberalism	30%	conservative, traditional	progressive, open

I think some of this is pretty accurate, at least for how I've been feeling lately. Interesting if nothing else.

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

my brain is dead

2005-02-22T02:54:00.000-06:00

I can't seem to get my brain going this semester. I was going to read a chapter in one of my textbooks but before I got past the second page, I had fallen asleep. I physically could not keep my eyes open. I also am at a loss for lessons. The creative juices just don't seem to be flowing. I can't seem to concentrate on school tasks long enough to get them done. I seem to be satisfied with doing nothing. I can't even motivate myself to do something fun that requires attention, such as sewing. Hopefully this will pass before too much longer because it could start to affect my schoolwork. I can't even think enough to write much more. Oh well.

The internet is great

2005-02-15T18:32:00.000-06:00

This is some really funny stuff. It is also very disturbing that some people eat these things. For more disgusting proof of the unnatural things we ingest, see the documentary Super Size Me or read Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser.

http://www.peepresearch.org/index.html

St. Valentine's Day Massacre

2005-02-14T20:47:00.000-06:00

I think it's time for another. I HATE Valentine's day. Sure the idea behind it is great. Show others that you love them. But it turns into a forced thing. I show my affection any day that I feel like it. So why do I feel like shit whenever I don't get anything or my boyfriend doesn't want to do anything. It's ridiculous but I see everyone around me being all lovey-dovey and it makes me want to have someone act that way toward me also. There were middle school kids on my bus today who are having a more romantic day than I am. But I also don't want to say anything to Dan because I don't want to guilt him into doing anything, and like I said before, it's RIDICULOUS.

Update: Kathy, Dan, and I ended up going to the Elephant Room and listening to jazz. I had a great time and felt kind of silly about this post.

The end is near

2005-02-06T01:16:00.000-06:00

Well, I have one more weekend at my current job. I'm currently a direct care worker for adults with brain injuries in a group home setting. I've been there a year and enjoyed it for the most part. Over the Christmas break I was working 40 hours a week including 11 hours on Saturday and and 8 hour shift of Sunday. The Saturday shift has been my regular shift since I started working but the Sunday shift was only because my co-worker was out on maternity leave and I had asked for more hours. So over Christmas when I was working so much, I began to feel burned out. It all came on very quickly. I began to dread coming to work, especially on Sunday afternoon. A few weeks ago I was lying in bed on Saturday night around 1:30 am and just started freaking out, internally of course. I think it's the closest thing I've ever had to a panic attack. Within a week I decided to look for another job. I was having trouble getting through my shifts without crying. This week and last week weren't so bad though. Part of it is probably the fact that I know that relief is on the way. But I have very mixed feelings about leaving. Part of me feels bad about leaving and I know I'll miss the guys, but another part of me feels that in my current mental/emotional state I can't possibly stay without losing my mind. I will be making $3 an hour more, working fewer hours, and I'll have Saturdays to my self.

Well, I'm not sure that this makes a lot of sense, but I'm having trouble forming cohesive thoughts, so I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

Bleh

2005-02-01T13:01:00.000-06:00

Today is a crappy day. It is 43 degrees outside but the windchill is 34 and it has been raining or overcast for days. I've been depressed and this certainly is not helping. I also can't get warm. I currently have on three pairs of socks, jeans, two sweatshirts, and a tobagon (or beanie, or stocking hat, or winter hat, or whatever you call it) and I'm still not completely warm. My toes are still cold and I'm still just a little bit chilly. Yesterday I went to Austin to get a criminal background check and a copy of my driving record for the job with San Marcos CISD that I'm in the process of getting. I'll be driving school busses. Anyway, I went to Austin after doing some field work in a school in Kyle, so I was in Austin in the middle of the afternoon. I got home around 3 and was starving so consequently my brain was not functioning and I was tired. It wasn't until last night at about 7:30 when I was at Dan's (my boyfriend) about to start my homework that I realized that I had forgotten to do a couple of important things. When I opened my planner I saw my appointment to get a TB test (necessary for one of my classes before I can go into the school to do field work) and a mandatory meeting for people who are student teaching in the fall. I don't know why forgetting these two things was upsetting but it was. It makes me feel like I would forget to breathe if it weren't an instinct. I told Dan this and he thought I was overreacting, which I was. I mean, it's not the end of the world. I'm going this afternoon to get the TB test (I'll be late for a class but my professor is cool) and there is one more student teaching meeting on Thursday. So why are occurences of this sort so likely to make me more upset. I think it may be that it makes me feel that I'm not organized enough to handle everyday life. But I know that stuff like this happens to everyone. I take things like this very personally and I'm not to sure why. The rational thought and the emotion are two completely opposite things in this sort of instance. Maybe since I'm already depressed, it just makes me feel worse. Maybe if I wasn't feeling overwhelmed, and generally incompetent in dealing with life, this would be one of those things that I would just laugh about and say 'oh well.' There was a time when I could do that. But being depressed like this is making it really hard to get anything constructive done. My mind feels like it's disconnected from my body. I just can't focus or think(and it's only been a week since I quit smoking). All I want to do is to sleep or do something mind numbing, like play video games. There's no conclusion to all these problems at this point, but I don't really feel like going into detail at this point. Hopefully I'll have something positive to say soon.

First Post

2005-01-31T17:19:00.000-06:00

I have now joined the mass of people who have blogs. I, obviously, think that blogs have their merit as a place to share ideas, thoughts, and lives. But mine will probably serve as an outlet, kind of like dumping all my emotional puke out somewhere. I tend to ramble on so don't be suprised if my thoughts jump from one thing to another without warning. I have a few people in my life who can follow my train of thought without much prompting of where the new topic came from. I named this blog Floor Pie because number one I love the Simpsons. It is the greatest show ever. Two, because I think it is an accurate description of life. I don't have a lot to say right now. So I'll post whenever I have something that is somewhat important, even if it's only important to me. We human beings are so selfish, isn't it great?