off to canada

My mom is going to be here in about 15 minutes. Then this evening we're going to stay at a hotel near the airport in San Antonio that has long term parking and a shuttle to the airport. It will cost about the same as parking at the airport, but it's much easier because we have to be at the airport at 4:30 or so. I'm excited to see my brother and Fanny. And I'm excited to travel to a new place.

On Thursday the Collins hosted a BBQ for us. Us being me, Paul, Steven, Leanette, and Rich and Leslie. We had a great time. The food was awesome. Whoever thinks that the British have dull food does not know what they're talking about. It's because Britain doesn't have a strong food culture so they take in the food of any country that was in the British Empire. We hung out late again just talking. It was kind of funny because they don't have the bugs that we do in Britain. Louis was terrified of the cockroaches. It was quite a sight to see him overreacting about the bugs. Earlier in the day I went with Gordon, John-Luke, and Louis to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was suprisingly good. Then we went to Wal-Mart (John-Luke wanted to) and then to H-E-B to get groceries for the BBQ.

I'm really glad that the Collins came. I've enjoyed hanging out with them a great deal. I'm sad that they're going back, but hopefully I'll get to visit them again when I go overseas for school.

Well, I might post from Canada, I might not. Just depends on what's going on. But I get back the McMains will be back. YEA!!!! I like the Collins, but I miss my family. I hope they have a safe journey back to the US and the Collins have a safe trip back to Britain.

Hangin' out with the Collins

So, I've hung out a couple of times with the Collins (the British people) and have had a lot of fun. Gordon is very interesting to talk to. Between traveling a lot and taking in forgien language students, they've seen a variety different cultures. Last Monday I was invited to eat dinner with them, we had BBQ. Through out the week I chatted with them here and there as I saw them. They spend one day out as a family and then Gordon stays in with the two boys the next day while Justine goes and does things that the kids wouldn't be interested in. Gordon says that Justine lacks the ability to sit still. On Friday Gordan and John-Luke (12 years old) invited me to go down the San Marcos River with them. We had fun. I went down the tube chute and John-Luke wanted to also. He was afraid of being sucked over the dam before the chute so he got out to wade with his tube closer to the chute. Well, as usual someone was standing in the middle of the tube chute (they do that so they can spin peoples tubes as they go down, very irritating) and John-Luke didn't want to run him over. So, he ended up being pulled down by the current, only he wasn't on his tube and he went down on his belly. He hit his hip on the rock and got a little scrape. They went down the Guadalupe River yesterday and he said he had more fun on the rapids there because he managed to stay in his tube. Then last night I hosted a little BBQ for them. Not as many people came as I had hoped, but that's because I had to move it from Friday to Sunday because I had forgotten about plans that I had already made. So it was the four of them, myself, my friends Steven and Paul who I used to drive buses with at the university, and a friend from my home group, Cole. We had a good time sitting around talking about everything from politics (we reassured him that he certainly wouldn't offend us by saying that Bush is an idiot), health care, religion, cultures, etc. It was wonderful food (thanks Steven) and wonderful company. When we finally said goodnight at 1:30 Gordon looked like he was going to fall asleep standing up. Even though it's been strange not having the McMains around, I've really enjoyed the company of the Collins.

Update

As I mentioned in the last post, my mom visited the last few days. We went to the outlet mall and she got a dress for Daniel and Fanny's wedding. I found some dress shirts for student teaching. We also ate at the Hill Country Grill. It was fantastic. It is in a building that used to be a bank. The Newton Boys Gang robbed a long time ago. The people who own the resturant did a fabulous job of restoring the place and keeping it original. It's a little pricey, but definately worth it next time your in San Marcos.

I got a digital camera and it is awesome. It is a Canon Powershot A95. It was more than I wanted to spend but I'm glad I bought it. The cameras in the price range that I originally had in mind were around 3.2 megapixels. That is fine for what I would use it for but it is already on the low side of average for cameras. Since I don't want to buy a camera that is almost ancient technology, I went ahead and spent a little extra money. It is the same model, but a newer version, of the camera that Sean and Kathy have. I've used their camera before and really like it. So I'm already a little bit familiar with how the camera works and know the quality of pictures that it produces. It has 14 shooting modes so I can choose to mess around with the shots or I can choose the 'point and shoot' option. I've taken quite a few pictures and will post them on Flickr momentarily.

The Brits got in on Saturday evening. My mom and I talked to them for about 20 minutes. They seem to be very nice people. He does some kind of advising for colleges around Great Britian so I'm going to try to talk to him about the colleges in Ireland while they're here. I haven't seen them since Saturday. They were gone all day yesterday, and I haven't gone in the house today. Turns out they come to the states twice a year. They've been to 36 states. That's more than most Americans have been to. They've done the houseswapping thing on multiple occasions and said they've never had any problems, so I feel a little better about them being here. (for those of you who aren't aware, here are a few posts at Sean's site that might explain the why the Brits are staying in the house. Click here .) It's still weird to think that if I go in the house there might be people I don't know instead of the McMains. I already miss the McMains.

Last night I went over and hung out with Steven and Paul. We watched 'Be Cool' with John Travolta and Uma Thurman. It was a pretty funny movie, kinda bizarre though. We also watched an episode of '30 Days.' It's made by the same guy who did 'Super Size Me.' They take a couple of people and put them in different situations for 30 days. In the first one, the guy and his girlfriend live off of minimum wage for 30 days. The one we watched last night had two people who are major consumers. It was estimated that just the two of them would need 12 planets for the amount of stuff they used and the amount of waste they produced. So they went and lived at an eco-place for 30 days. We're talking solar panels, grow your own food, recycle your crap for compost, no makeup, no sewers, etc. It was pretty interesting.

Well, I'm going to download my pictures and post them on Flickr now.

The British are coming!

"One if by land, and two if by sea;" (Paul Revere's Ride by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

Actually, I know they're coming by land. They are coming by way of Houston in a rental car. Well, I dropped the McMains off at the airport this morning. I was really sad to see them go. I know they'll be back but I'll be three weeks without my family. They are so excited and I hope they have a wonderful time. I hope the British family that is staying here has a wonderful time also. I'm trying not to freak out that there will be strangers living in my house (I know the house is not mine, but this is my home). Kathy did an amazing job of getting all the kids packed and ready. She was still worrying about the house while we were in the car this morning and I told her to stop. My mom and I finished the last touches of cleaning when I got back from the airport. We cooked breakfast for them this morning which was fun. I also made black bean soup last night. A pound bag of beans makes a lot of soup so I was more than happy to feed the McMains. Of course only Sean and Kathy ate the soup, but the kids ate the salad and the bread. I enjoy helping out and was glad that I could lighten the burden on Sean and Kathy at least a little bit. I don't have much more to say right now, but I'll be sure to update you on the Brits tomorrow or the next day.

salsa dancing

I just got back from going out dancing with Kathy and Sarah. We had a blast. Dancing is so much fun and it's such a good release to get fun exercise. It was so hot at the place we were at. I'm having a snack (suprise, surprise!!) and then I'm going to bed. Tomorrow morning I'm going Dallas to visit Jes at her new place. Hopefully I'll get to stop and see Stephanie on my way into Dallas tomorrow. I won't be around a computer till Wednesday afternoon, but when I get back I'll post the couple of pictures that Kathy took tonight. Goodnight.

adventures in babysitting

Since last night was Thursday, I was babysitting so Sean and Kathy could have their date night. I like Thursday nights with the kids, we always have fun. Last night I took the kids and three of their friends (a total of 7 kids) to the river. The friends are 12, 14, and 16 I think so it wasn't bad at all. When we left the river storm clouds were coming in and it was starting to lightning a little bit when we dropped the friends off. We got back to the house around 8:30 and I was suprised to see that Sean and Kathy were back already. As the kids reluctantly started their chores, it started pouring. It was a wonderful summer evening thunderstorm. Lots of rain and thunder and lightning. Around 9:00 there was lightning, a loud clap of thunder, and then no electricity. The kids didn't freak out, to my suprise. I had been in the bathroom with Maggie while she brushed her teeth, so I was leading her back to the living room. Emily came out of her room with a battery operated desk light and we all convened in the living room. Kathy pulled out candles and lit one for every child. Emily took her candle to her room, Kathy went and laid back down (headache) and Sean, the kids, and I went on the front porch to look at lightning. It was very impressive. The storm was right on top of us and a couple of lightning bolts made it look like daylight outside. I tried to explain to Maggie that the noise of the thunder was just the clouds expanding really fast and that it couldn't hurt her (why do I give scientific explanations to 4 year olds?) but she was still scared. The kids wanted to go in so we all filed in off the front porch. The kids put their candles on the coffee table in the front room and Sean fixed them a snack. Emily rejoined us because her candle had gone out. After that, he read a chapter out of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis. The power still wasn't on so Sean told the kids that they could camp out in the front room and quietly tell stories until the power came back on. We sat and chatted for a little bit then Abby wanted to tell a story. It was pretty bizarre and drawn out, but of course hilarious. Toward the end of her story, the power came back on. She was disappointed and wanted to finish her story in the candlelight so she turned the light off. After she finished the story the kids made quite a production of blowing out the candles. Then they were off to bed and I went to my room to watch tv and go to bed. It was a few minutes before 10 when the lights came back on. The power had only been off for an hour, but it had seemed like much longer. I enjoyed sitting in the living room with the family and enjoying the storm, the lack of electricity, and the company. I was glad that Sean and Kathy were home because I'm not sure I could have successfully kept the kids entertained. Plus, it is more comforting for kids to have their parents home, safe, and keeping them safe during a storm. Thanks for the fun evening family.

ponderings

I've been thinking about some things lately. It's only been two months since Dan moved but I'm having a hard time being by myself. And I know it would be unhealthy for me to be in a relationships and I wouldn't be any happier, but I would have a distraction from working on my own problems. Here are somethings I've realized as a result of some conversations with people I trust and people who have been through similar life situations as I have.
-I create crisis for myself. I have a hard time being satisfied when things are going well so I freak out.
-Being with someone and being more concerned about them instead of myself is familiar so it is more comfortable than trying to deal with my shit.
-Since I have been in one serious relationship or another since I was 16, I don't know how to feel without responding to someone else. It sounds silly, but sometimes I just don't know how to feel because I don't have someone else to react to. You would think it wouldn't be that hard to know your own feelings, but it is.
-My 'inner child' (it sounds cheesy I know, but a person who I respect has suggested that I think about this) has some kind of fear about being alone and that is why I need to have someone around me, even if it's just a warm body.
-I think my anxiety and dislike of people (crowds, not individuals) has something to do with my depression and my inner child.
-Even though I have a crush on someone, I know it would be a really bad idea to pursue that person and I need to be able to articulate that in case this person, or anybody for that matter, expresses interest in me.
-I do not need to go to New York to visit Dan this summer.
-I am ok with the fact that I don't want to teach right now. I have the rest of my life to teach, just like I have the rest of my life to get married, I don't need to rush into it now just because that's what most people my age are doing.
-I'm focusing on one day at a time. Sometimes thinking about a week in the future is overwhelming, so I'm only going to concentrate on what I have to.
-I can't wait to go to Ireland, and if I still don't want to teach when I'm through with my Master's degree, I'll find different intersting jobs to do until I'm ready. If that's 15 years from now, that's fine. It's my life and I have to do what works for me.
-I've become ok with the fact that I can't sit through church right now. I've sat through two home groups and not been depressed to that's a major improvement.
-I have a lot of freedom right now and I'm trying to be content, if not joyful, so that I can enjoy this time period in my life.
-I'm going to get more tattoo in August and I'm so excited.

Well, I've had all these things rolling around in my head and just needed to get them out into a more concrete form so I can think about them in a more orderly fashion.

5 more days

AUGH!!! Only five more days of school left and I'll be finished with classes. I have a bunch of stuff do which only makes me want to work less. Just five more days, just five more days....

new pics

there are new pics on flickr.

wonderful song

She
words: Bergquist/Detweiler
music: Bergquist
recording: OHIO
artist: Over the Rhine

What she would like to do
Is get you out of her head
She's tried every trick
She's so sick of thinking about it

What's so special about you
You're an ache she's learned to crave
You're a blade too dull to raise

But she cuts herself
On you every night
She's just dying
To lay down the knife

What she would love to do
Is get you out of her bed
She's played it over and over and over
In her head

But she cuts herself
On you every night
She's just dying
To lay down the knife

She clings to what's familiar
She thinks a change would kill her

What she ought to do
Is put a gun to your head
For all the things you said and did

But what she will not do
Is let you go before you're gone
It's everything that's ever been wrong
But it's all she's ever known

So she cuts herself on you every night
She's just dyin' to lay down her life



I like the way this song shows the cycle of continuing to do things even though they hurt us. This line is my favorite "She clings to what's familiar
She thinks a change would kill her."

nostalgia

Child: "And God, I would like to be a cat. Could you please turn me into a cat, because I think it would be fun to play and sleep all the time."
Parent: "Honey, if God wanted you to be a cat he would have made you a cat."
Child (indignantly): "But God could change me into a cat if he wanted to."
Parent (patiently): "Yes, but He didn't make you one so I don't think that He's going to turn you into one now."
Child: "But He could if He wanted to!!!"
Parent (exasperated): "You're right. If God wanted to turn you into a cat He could."

such wonderful memeories from my childhood. no, it was not me (I just ate cat food), but i'm not sure if it will embarrass the person so you are left to guess who it was unless that person wants to identify themselves.

this was brought to my mind as i looked at KC lying on the rug in blissful sleep and thought how wonderful it must be to have the most troublesome thing in your life be children who look at you while you're trying to hide under the bed.

photos and flickr

So now I have a cool link to whatever photos I want to share. Thanks to Sean who told me about Flickr for photo sharing and for emailing me the photos of my purple hair that Kathy took. Hopefully I'll get a digital camera this summer so that I can take and upload my own pics without having to bug someone else to do it.

certainty

I went by the tattoo shop today because I was bored and I wanted to see when Eric was going to in from New Orleans. Granted I don't have money for more tattoos but I thought I could catch up and run some of my ideas past him. I ended up staying for about an hour and a half talking to Socks, one of the other artists there. When I talk with Eric and Socks I get such of a feeling of certainty from them. Neither of them believe in God, as a result of their own personal searches, and they seem to be very secure in what they believe. I can't remember the last time I was secure in what I believe, what I think, or even who I am. What brings this about? Many times I want to feel that certain about my life, even if it's a false sense of certainty. I can't stand feeling the way I do. Not knowing who I am, daily questioning what I believe or think I might believe, not being sure of much of anything any more. Eric and Socks both love their jobs, know what they think, don't give a shit what others think about them, and enjoy being on the 'fringe' of society. Sometimes I feel like I have dueling personalities because part of me enjoys not fitting in with the status quo. I would like to have the freedom to have tattoos where ever I want, have piercings if I wanted to, color my hair, swear, basically feel that I can be myself. But yet I'm choosing a career where I'm supposed to put forth the image of the social norm. Teachers are supposed to be role models which means, for some reason, that you can't have visible tattoos, etc, etc. I'm having doubts about teaching. I know I'm good at it and I enjoy it most of the time, but I don't want to do it right now. I want to do something different. That's a huge reason behind why I'm going to do my graduate work in Ireland. I'm not really sure what I want. This is all probably just rambling. But anytime I go to the tattoo shop I leave with something to think about. That's probably a good thing.

meeting Fanny

Now that I'm not quite as depressed as I was the other night I'll write about meeting Fanny. She is wonderful. She is wonderful for Daniel. They are very similar but not so similar that they will stagnate with each other. She is more outgoing that he is, which is not hard to do. I loved her instantly. She took an immediate liking to the McMains and to our family. It is so bizarre to see Daniel all lovey-dovey with someone. But it is also cool. I'm glad that he has found someone who makes him feel that way. I don't have any profound thoughts except that I love her and welcome her into the family with open arms.

Misc.
I dyed my hair purple. I need to figure out how to post a picture so that others can see the snazziness that is my hair. After the purple fades, which it already is, I'm going to dye it green, then pink, and I haven't decided what will follow. Why you may ask? Because I can. I'm not working this summer and I student teach in the fall. I think it's fun to make easy outward changes. Maybe is a subconcious desire to control change. Since the other stuff I'm going through isn't easy and this is. Or, maybe it's just fun to do.

I'm getting settled in my room. Kathy and I moved my furniture around last night and I think I like the new arrangement better. I have most of my stuff unpacked but there is still quite a bit of organizing and going through papers to do.

I babysat the kids last weekend while Sean and Kathy went on an anniversary trip. It was wonderful. The kids were great. We spent almost all day on Saturday outside. We swam at the house, went to Playscape, and went to the river. Then the kids cleaned the house and did a great job. Abby (8) wanted to make a special lunch for them when they came back on Sunday. There wasn't really anything in the house to make a special lunch with so I suggested making a dessert. I found a recipe for chocolate cookies shaped into X's and O's. She really like that idea so she, with a little assistance, made the cookies. She wanted to have lunch ready for them but we didn't know exactly when they were getting back, so se also made stuff for BLT's so there would be lunch stuff ready whenever they got home. Maggie (4) wanted to give them a present also so she went and made their bed all by herself. The presents went over wonderfully, of course, and Sean and Kathy had a great weekend. (you can read about it here, at Sean's website.)

I also started school this week. I'm taking a science class for education majors, the lab, and classroom management. It's going well so far, just kind of boring. I had forgotten how much I hate summer school. I don't like spending from 10 am till almost 4 pm in class and then having to do my homework the same night. Having classes every other day during the regular semester spoils my procrastinating side. But I don't have any tests in my classroom management class and in the science class we get to use notes for our test.

Well, soon I'm off to float the Guadalupe with Stephanie and friends. She is moving to Dallas soon and we're having a going away party. We're going to be on the river for about 5 hours. I hope I don't roast. Then we're going to eat somewhere in Gruene. It should be fun.

Daniels'

I was going to write a post about how much fun I had when Fanny was in town. About how wonderful she is and how great her and Daniel are together. I was also going to write about my snazzy (thanks Emily for the adjective) purple hair, and the new pink converse shoes that my mom bought me. But I talked to Dan and to Daniel tonight and now I'm just sad. I miss my guys. I want them to come back.

my new place

Well, I have officially moved into the McMains. I spent my first night there on Saturday so I've been there about a week. I love it so far. It's pretty much what I expected. I can talk to Kathy almost any time and the kids want to hang out in my room all the time and play with the cats. Since I know the kids will be in there a lot this summer, I've set up a shelf with all my kids books, coloring books, crayons, markers, magnets to play with on the fridge, and some stuffed animals for them to play with. This way the stuff they play with has a central location so they can easily clean up after themselves.
The cats seem to be adjusting fairly well. Callie tolerates all the kids, even when Maggie (4) piles stuffed animals on top of her. KC is hanging out under the bed hissing at the kids and exploring when the kids aren't around. Callie really wants to go in the other part of the house, but that's not allowed.
The house is getting clean. Daniel is doing a wonderful job. So far he has cleaned the laundry room, kitchen, and bathroom. I really appreciate his willingness to clean so much at the house while I get settled at the McMains. I'm thrilled also because I talked to the landlord today and he said that I don't have to paint back over the kitchen cabinets. I had painted them a golden yellow to go with the sunflower theme in the kitchen. I just have to paint the one wall in my room that I painted light pink. I got a really cheap can of paint and I think I'm going to have to do three coats. Right now I'm letting the second coat dry.
Last night I had a bizarre dream. It involved being in Mexico with my mom, my younger brother, some other female family member, and some random people from church and one of Dan's friends. We were there during some kind of revolution. One group was killing off another group. The group that was getting killed off usually got spotted and shot while they were climbing up places, to put up signs I think. Anyway, the most vivid part of the dream was where there was a bunch of people in a swimming pool. The pool was so crowded that people were basically just standing around in the water. My mom and I were out of the pool. Some people noticed a man coming down out of the sky on the kind of rope that army guys come out of helicopters on. Well, one of the revolutionary guys shot him and he landed in the pool. People scattered and screamed as blood dyed the water red (although I don't remember being able to see the body). At that point I looked at the water, turned around, and threw up. There was another part where one of the people who worked in the hotel we were staying at was going to show us the menu for some food. For some reason we had to climb up on this ladder to get to it. I was terrified that we would be mistaken for some of the revolutionary people and be shot because we were climbing up on a ladder. The hotel worker assured us that we would be ok. I just remembered being so terrified. What a weird dream. I wonder what it stemmed from. I didn't wake up super hot last night, so I don't think that was it.
Well, there's not a whole lot else going on right now. Fanny gets in at 2 pm today and Kathy, Sean, Daniel, Fanny, and I are all going to eat at the Gristmill tonight. This weekend is Sean and Kathy's 10th wedding aniversary but they are going to put off their couple stuff till next weekend. Then Saturday is the party and the madness ensues, at least for Daniel. Updates later after the two hello Fanny, goodbye Daniel parties and my few days in Abilene.

recent goings on

It's been awhile since I posted. On the 7th I got really sick. The doctor thinks I picked up a bug in Mexico. I was sick from Saturday the 7th till Friday the 13th. I didn't eat anything during those days either so I lost about 10 pounds. Daniel took wonderful care of me. He took and stayed with me for my two visits to the ER (for IV rehydration and antibiotics), went to the doctor with me, and got me food and prescriptions. What a great brother. My mom came down last weekend just in case I didn't get better. It was nice to have her here even though I was well. This week has been a mad rush to get stuff ready for the move and garage sale. Tomorrow is the garage sale and I'm moving the rest of my stuff tomorrow. Tomorrow night will hopefully be my first night at the McMains. It's all very strange to me. I can't believe Daniel is moving away and I'll be living with a family. It's beginning to hit home though as we go through stuff and make a mound of crap for the garage sale. I can't believe how much unneeded stuff two people can have. I'll post more about my Mexico trip later. Right now I'm listening to Over the Rhine and need to return to pricing dishes. WooHoo!!!

San Luis Potosi trip

My trip to Mexico...where to begin. I had a blast. I went to San Luis Potosi (that is the name of the city and the state, it is the capital of the state. ) for the wedding of some friends that I go to church with. (If you go to http://www.maps-of-mexico.com/ and scroll down to the second box that's headed 'Mexico State Maps' you can click on the state of San Luis Potosi and it will bring up a 16 tile more detailed map. If you go to 3 tiles down and 2 over [from the top left], the yellow blob is the city. You can click on the tile for a more detailed map.) There were 25 people on the bus, 8 of us knew the couple through church, the rest was the groom's family. The trip down there wasn't so bad. We left San Antonio at 7:45 on Thursday night. We took a chartered bus, Noreste bus lines. The two bus drivers did not speak a word of English. Anyway, since we left late most people slept the majority of the trip. We stopped in Laredo to change over our money and we stopped about half way in at a rest stop to fill up with gas. The drive from San Antonio to Laredo was 3 hours and the drive from Laredo to San Luis Potosi was 10 hours. We got into the city about 8 am and were thinking that we wouldn't be able to check in to the hotel until the afternoon. Everyone was famished so we stopped at a resturant called Tokyio for breakfast. It's very interesting to not know what you're ordering for breakfast. I knew some of the words for almost every breakfast choice, but not enough to know exactly what it was. Most of what they had was eggs (huevos) which I did not want. I decided to be brave and I ordered the Echiladas Potosinas. They looked like fried tacos with farm cheese (some kind of white cheese, it was good) and some kind of salsa type stuff inside. It was good, but a little greasy because it was fried. The orange juice was the best I've ever tasted. From there we went to the hotel where the manager tried to charge us a higher rate that what he had quoted Sam and Alba (the bride and groom). Sam did his best with his limited Spanish and the managers limited to English to make it clear that they were going to give us the price they were quoted. When Alba got there she put her foot down. They tried to do the same thing when people were paying and checking out on Sunday. But Alba was there and it did not happen. The manager told Sam that it was only 30 pesos ($3) so what was the big deal. I guess he thinks we're rich Americans. We all could have afforded it but it was more the principle of the thing. Well, I have to get ready to go to work. More to come soon.

must sleep and exciting weekend plans

I just got done hanging out with Steven and Leanette, friends from an old job. It's great to have friends who can force you to socialize so you don't sit at home and get depressed. On the down side it is very late and I don't even know why I'm typing this. I have to be in Austin at 8 am tomorrow for my last day at my internship in the preK class and it's an hour drive. Anyway, I'm going to Mexico this weekend. WooHoo!!! Kathy is whisking me away. Just kidding. A mutual friend of ours is getting married and we're going down for her wedding. I leave tomorrow evening and won't be back until early Monday morning. Anyway, hopefully I will have fun stories when I return. Steven said there's nothing we can do to prevent standing out like a sore thumb while we're down there. The advice I was given: take bottled water, pepto bismol, walk on the side of the sidewalk next to the buildings, don't go anywhere alone (I forgot to ask him if it would be okay if I went to the bathroom in the hotel alone, oh well, I'll chance it), and not to wear tank tops. Must sleep now, regret to follow at 5:30 am. Yuck.

latest news

Well, I've kind of been dreading writing about this. I'm sure I'll start crying, but I need to get it out. Dan left for North Carolina on Wednesday of last week. I had been spending every possible waking moment with him. We (Kathy, Emily, Liam, Maggie, Dan, and I) got to the bus station about 1:15 because he was going to leave on the 1:45 bus. Well, that bus was full so he ended up leaving on the 3:05 bus. We were all sitting outside and I cried a little bit while he was on the phone with Dave, making all the last little things were in order. Kathy and the two younger kids went to Sonic to get Dan a burger and I was trying really hard not to cry. Kathy and the kids left about 2:00 and Liam just started crying. He was so sad. It got me started crying. After they left Dan put his arms around me and just held me while tried to gain my composure, but it wasn't going to happen. He was trying to make me feel better by telling me how much fun I would have living with Kathy. He said that he was sorry that he hadn't been someone that I could talk to easily. I had to go to work so we said our goodbyes. We just stood and held each other for a few minutes. I told him that I loved and he said that he loved me too and he was sorry that he hadn't said it before. I told him that I knew he did. He said that he was really going to miss me. When we stopped hugging I looked at him and he was all teary eyed. I can't believe that he cried. I went off to work and they won't let me drive because I'm too upset. They said they didn't need me that badly and that I should just go home. Well, Dan's bus hadn't left yet so I went back to the bus station. He was suprised to see me but glad that I had come back. I didn't start crying again. The bus came and we hugged again and Dan said 'Let's not cry this time.' So I went to my car and he got on the bus and I'll probably never see him again. I talked to him Friday night and last night. He seems depressed because he doesn't know what to do with his life. I just want him to come back. I miss him so much.