must sleep and exciting weekend plans

I just got done hanging out with Steven and Leanette, friends from an old job. It's great to have friends who can force you to socialize so you don't sit at home and get depressed. On the down side it is very late and I don't even know why I'm typing this. I have to be in Austin at 8 am tomorrow for my last day at my internship in the preK class and it's an hour drive. Anyway, I'm going to Mexico this weekend. WooHoo!!! Kathy is whisking me away. Just kidding. A mutual friend of ours is getting married and we're going down for her wedding. I leave tomorrow evening and won't be back until early Monday morning. Anyway, hopefully I will have fun stories when I return. Steven said there's nothing we can do to prevent standing out like a sore thumb while we're down there. The advice I was given: take bottled water, pepto bismol, walk on the side of the sidewalk next to the buildings, don't go anywhere alone (I forgot to ask him if it would be okay if I went to the bathroom in the hotel alone, oh well, I'll chance it), and not to wear tank tops. Must sleep now, regret to follow at 5:30 am. Yuck.

latest news

Well, I've kind of been dreading writing about this. I'm sure I'll start crying, but I need to get it out. Dan left for North Carolina on Wednesday of last week. I had been spending every possible waking moment with him. We (Kathy, Emily, Liam, Maggie, Dan, and I) got to the bus station about 1:15 because he was going to leave on the 1:45 bus. Well, that bus was full so he ended up leaving on the 3:05 bus. We were all sitting outside and I cried a little bit while he was on the phone with Dave, making all the last little things were in order. Kathy and the two younger kids went to Sonic to get Dan a burger and I was trying really hard not to cry. Kathy and the kids left about 2:00 and Liam just started crying. He was so sad. It got me started crying. After they left Dan put his arms around me and just held me while tried to gain my composure, but it wasn't going to happen. He was trying to make me feel better by telling me how much fun I would have living with Kathy. He said that he was sorry that he hadn't been someone that I could talk to easily. I had to go to work so we said our goodbyes. We just stood and held each other for a few minutes. I told him that I loved and he said that he loved me too and he was sorry that he hadn't said it before. I told him that I knew he did. He said that he was really going to miss me. When we stopped hugging I looked at him and he was all teary eyed. I can't believe that he cried. I went off to work and they won't let me drive because I'm too upset. They said they didn't need me that badly and that I should just go home. Well, Dan's bus hadn't left yet so I went back to the bus station. He was suprised to see me but glad that I had come back. I didn't start crying again. The bus came and we hugged again and Dan said 'Let's not cry this time.' So I went to my car and he got on the bus and I'll probably never see him again. I talked to him Friday night and last night. He seems depressed because he doesn't know what to do with his life. I just want him to come back. I miss him so much.

system overload

Last Thursday I had a test that I thought was the next week. Tomorrow I have a portfolio covering an entire semesters worth of intern work. Tuesday I have another test and a slightly less dramatic portfolio. Thursday I have a teaching project due that I haven't even looked at yet. In the meantime I still have to complete hours for my two internships and try to sleep, eat, and go to work. I can't remember the last time I spent this much time on the weekend doing homework. I spent about half of yesterday and all of today working on this portfolio. And to top it all off, Dan is moving on Tuesday. I'm tired and starting to feel depressed. I think that I'll go to sleep now and finish this in the morning. All I have left is a reflection and describing how to set up grade book. Fun wow, man. First, I think I'll have a cigarette. And a word to the wise...procrastinating is a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, idea.

I have a plan

Well, I have been on the anit-depressant for a little over two weeks now. I'm feeling better on a regular basis. Not a 'shiny happy drugged' better, but an 'I'm able to function' better. The slightest little thing doesn't make me want to cry and when something upsets me I'm actually able to move past it and not be depressed for the rest of the day. I have also come up with a plan. I am going to Ireland for graduate school. There are six schools, all of which offer a masters in elementary education. I'm more excited about the idea of living in Ireland for two years than the idea of getting my masters. I love Ireland and have wanted to live there ever since I visited in high school. The prices at some of the schools are similar to what I'm paying now so I think this is very feasible. Here are links to the universities in case you want to look around.
Trinity College Dublin (which I can't afford, the first year is a little over $15000)
University College Dublin
National University of Ireland, Galway
NUI, Maynooth
University College Cork
University of Limerick
I still have alot of looking around to do to figure out which one is my first choice. But I'm excited about the thought of going. Especially since I have decided I no longer want the goals I used to have right now. I have come to the realization that I'm still very young. I don't want to get married and have kids right now and I'm not ready to teach. I want to experience different things and do stuff that I won't be able to do once I settle down. So, in the fall I'll student teach (my tentative placement is San Marcos, YEAH), in the spring I'll work my butt off, and then hopefully next fall I'll be in Ireland. Did I mention that I'm extremely excited?

misc.

On Tuesday I wrote a new post but the computer at school that I was using freaked out and it didn't take. So basically to sum up what I had written...I am now taking Effexor which is an anti-depressant. I have a few problems with it such as I don't want my moods to be fake and I feel like I should be able to work through this stuff myself. But even though it is just everyday stuff that I'm freaking out about, I haven't been able to work through it so maybe I do need the meds.
Yesterday I was actually in a good mood. Dan asked me if it was the meds but I don't think so because as of yesterday I'd only taken three half doses (37.5 mg). I had an easy route at work. I drove PreK kids which meant I had a monitor on my bus and she was fun to talk to. I drove that same route in the afternoon. During the middle of the day when I was doing my internship at Tobias Elem I was kind of annoyed with the kids, but not to the point where I wanted to cry. After my afternoon route I went up to the financial aide office and actually delt with an intelligent, nice, and helpful human being. How refreshing. Then I went and got my tattoo worked on. I still needed another round of ink over the cover-up part. Eric (my tattoo artist) is moving next week to New Orleans. He's going to open up a custom only shop which is super cool. But I'm disappointed because I still want to have more work done. He'll be coming back here every few months though because he has a ton of clients here with big projects going. He took some pictures of my back so that he can be thinking of ways to expand what I have. Getting tattoos and talking and planning with Eric about more always puts me in a good mood. I love tattoos. After that I watched a movie with Kathy and Dan. It was Million Dollar Hotel. Pretty interesting, but then again I think crazy people are fascinating. It was a bit slow at the end and I ended up dozing off (I do that quite a bit at the end of movies that I watch at night). Dan said that I didn't miss any huge details or anything. He and Kathy didn't really care for the movie. The night before we watched Boondock Saints. I thought it was a good movie. Dan and Sean liked it but Kathy didn't care for it. It's pretty violent and she doesn't like violent movies that much.
I'm in a good mood again today but I'm feeling a bit scattered. That usually happens when I have an unstructured day with lots of stuff I need to get done. My main focus is some school projects that I have put off until the last minute. I guess I should go do something productive now.