personality test

Big 30 Test Results

Sociability	|||	6%
Aggressiveness	|||	2%
Assertiveness	||||||	11%
Activity Level	||||||||||||||||||	60%
Excitement-Seeking	|||	5%
Enthusiasm	|||||||||	28%
Extroversion	||||||	18%
Trust	||||||	18%
Submissiveness	||||||||||||||||||||||||	75%
Altruism	|||||||||||||||	41%
Cooperation	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Modesty	|||||||||||||||||||||	69%
Sympathy	|||	1%
Friendliness	|||||||||||||||	47%
Confidence	|||||||||	29%
Neatness	|||||||||||||||	44%
Dutifulness	||||||	15%
Achievement	||||||||||||||||||	60%
Self-Discipline	||||||	14%
Cautiousness	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	86%
Orderliness	|||||||||||||||	41%
Anxiety	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Volatility	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	81%
Depression	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Self-Consciousness	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Impulsiveness	|||||||||||||||||||||	67%
Vulnerability	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	89%
Emotional Stability	|||||||||	21%
Imagination	||||||	17%
Artistic Interests	||||||||||||||||||	60%
Introspection	||||||||||||||||||	53%
Adventurousness	||||||||||||	39%
Intellect	|||||||||	22%
Liberalism	|||||||||	30%
Openmindedness	||||||||||||	36%

Accuracy: -5 high4321 low

Big 30 Key

Trait	.	low score	high score
Sociability	6%	socially reserved, detached	friendly, open
Aggressiveness	2%	mild mannered, uncompetitive	predatory, domineering
Assertiveness	11%	introverted, loner	controlling, aggressive
Activity Level	60%	relaxed, laid back	vigorous, high energy
Excitement-Seeking	5%	sedate, restrained	adventurous, wild
Enthusiasm	28%	somber, pessimistic	cheerful, optimistic
Trust	18%	suspicious of others	trusting of others
Submissiveness	75%	rebellious, lawless	dutiful, obedient, compliant
Altruism	41%	selfish, cold, austere	helpful, selfless, indulgent
Cooperation	82%	argumentitive, confrontational	conflict averse, meek
Modesty	69%	arrogant, self-satisfied	humble, unassuming, doormat
Sympathy	1%	callous, heartless	empathetic, warm
Confidence	29%	not confident in work	confident in work, egoistic
Neatness	44%	disorganized, messy	planner, clean, anal
Dutifulness	15%	dishonest, derelict	honest, rule abiding, proper
Achievement	60%	lazy, unmotivated	driven, goal oriented
Self-Discipline	14%	procrastinator	responsible, efficient
Cautiousness	86%	spontaneous, daring, reckless	careful, controlled, safe
Anxiety	82%	relaxed, fearless	fearful, worrier
Volatility	81%	calm, cool	touchy, tempermental
Depression	74%	content, balanced	emotional, self hating
Self-Consciousness	82%	confident, assured	low self esteem, shy
Impulsiveness	67%	high self control	low self control
Vulnerability	89%	resilient, unphased	confused, helpless
Imagination	17%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Artistic Interests	60%	artistic indifference	art, nature, beauty lover
Introspection	53%	not self reflective	self searching
Adventurousness	39%	conventional, safe	spontaneous, bold
Intellect	22%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Liberalism	30%	conservative, traditional	progressive, open

I think some of this is pretty accurate, at least for how I've been feeling lately. Interesting if nothing else.

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my brain is dead

I can't seem to get my brain going this semester. I was going to read a chapter in one of my textbooks but before I got past the second page, I had fallen asleep. I physically could not keep my eyes open. I also am at a loss for lessons. The creative juices just don't seem to be flowing. I can't seem to concentrate on school tasks long enough to get them done. I seem to be satisfied with doing nothing. I can't even motivate myself to do something fun that requires attention, such as sewing. Hopefully this will pass before too much longer because it could start to affect my schoolwork. I can't even think enough to write much more. Oh well.

The internet is great

This is some really funny stuff. It is also very disturbing that some people eat these things. For more disgusting proof of the unnatural things we ingest, see the documentary Super Size Me or read Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser.

http://www.peepresearch.org/index.html

St. Valentine's Day Massacre

I think it's time for another. I HATE Valentine's day. Sure the idea behind it is great. Show others that you love them. But it turns into a forced thing. I show my affection any day that I feel like it. So why do I feel like shit whenever I don't get anything or my boyfriend doesn't want to do anything. It's ridiculous but I see everyone around me being all lovey-dovey and it makes me want to have someone act that way toward me also. There were middle school kids on my bus today who are having a more romantic day than I am. But I also don't want to say anything to Dan because I don't want to guilt him into doing anything, and like I said before, it's RIDICULOUS.

Update: Kathy, Dan, and I ended up going to the Elephant Room and listening to jazz. I had a great time and felt kind of silly about this post.

The end is near

Well, I have one more weekend at my current job. I'm currently a direct care worker for adults with brain injuries in a group home setting. I've been there a year and enjoyed it for the most part. Over the Christmas break I was working 40 hours a week including 11 hours on Saturday and and 8 hour shift of Sunday. The Saturday shift has been my regular shift since I started working but the Sunday shift was only because my co-worker was out on maternity leave and I had asked for more hours. So over Christmas when I was working so much, I began to feel burned out. It all came on very quickly. I began to dread coming to work, especially on Sunday afternoon. A few weeks ago I was lying in bed on Saturday night around 1:30 am and just started freaking out, internally of course. I think it's the closest thing I've ever had to a panic attack. Within a week I decided to look for another job. I was having trouble getting through my shifts without crying. This week and last week weren't so bad though. Part of it is probably the fact that I know that relief is on the way. But I have very mixed feelings about leaving. Part of me feels bad about leaving and I know I'll miss the guys, but another part of me feels that in my current mental/emotional state I can't possibly stay without losing my mind. I will be making $3 an hour more, working fewer hours, and I'll have Saturdays to my self.

Well, I'm not sure that this makes a lot of sense, but I'm having trouble forming cohesive thoughts, so I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

Bleh

Today is a crappy day. It is 43 degrees outside but the windchill is 34 and it has been raining or overcast for days. I've been depressed and this certainly is not helping. I also can't get warm. I currently have on three pairs of socks, jeans, two sweatshirts, and a tobagon (or beanie, or stocking hat, or winter hat, or whatever you call it) and I'm still not completely warm. My toes are still cold and I'm still just a little bit chilly. Yesterday I went to Austin to get a criminal background check and a copy of my driving record for the job with San Marcos CISD that I'm in the process of getting. I'll be driving school busses. Anyway, I went to Austin after doing some field work in a school in Kyle, so I was in Austin in the middle of the afternoon. I got home around 3 and was starving so consequently my brain was not functioning and I was tired. It wasn't until last night at about 7:30 when I was at Dan's (my boyfriend) about to start my homework that I realized that I had forgotten to do a couple of important things. When I opened my planner I saw my appointment to get a TB test (necessary for one of my classes before I can go into the school to do field work) and a mandatory meeting for people who are student teaching in the fall. I don't know why forgetting these two things was upsetting but it was. It makes me feel like I would forget to breathe if it weren't an instinct. I told Dan this and he thought I was overreacting, which I was. I mean, it's not the end of the world. I'm going this afternoon to get the TB test (I'll be late for a class but my professor is cool) and there is one more student teaching meeting on Thursday. So why are occurences of this sort so likely to make me more upset. I think it may be that it makes me feel that I'm not organized enough to handle everyday life. But I know that stuff like this happens to everyone. I take things like this very personally and I'm not to sure why. The rational thought and the emotion are two completely opposite things in this sort of instance. Maybe since I'm already depressed, it just makes me feel worse. Maybe if I wasn't feeling overwhelmed, and generally incompetent in dealing with life, this would be one of those things that I would just laugh about and say 'oh well.' There was a time when I could do that. But being depressed like this is making it really hard to get anything constructive done. My mind feels like it's disconnected from my body. I just can't focus or think(and it's only been a week since I quit smoking). All I want to do is to sleep or do something mind numbing, like play video games. There's no conclusion to all these problems at this point, but I don't really feel like going into detail at this point. Hopefully I'll have something positive to say soon.