Bleh

Today is a crappy day. It is 43 degrees outside but the windchill is 34 and it has been raining or overcast for days. I've been depressed and this certainly is not helping. I also can't get warm. I currently have on three pairs of socks, jeans, two sweatshirts, and a tobagon (or beanie, or stocking hat, or winter hat, or whatever you call it) and I'm still not completely warm. My toes are still cold and I'm still just a little bit chilly. Yesterday I went to Austin to get a criminal background check and a copy of my driving record for the job with San Marcos CISD that I'm in the process of getting. I'll be driving school busses. Anyway, I went to Austin after doing some field work in a school in Kyle, so I was in Austin in the middle of the afternoon. I got home around 3 and was starving so consequently my brain was not functioning and I was tired. It wasn't until last night at about 7:30 when I was at Dan's (my boyfriend) about to start my homework that I realized that I had forgotten to do a couple of important things. When I opened my planner I saw my appointment to get a TB test (necessary for one of my classes before I can go into the school to do field work) and a mandatory meeting for people who are student teaching in the fall. I don't know why forgetting these two things was upsetting but it was. It makes me feel like I would forget to breathe if it weren't an instinct. I told Dan this and he thought I was overreacting, which I was. I mean, it's not the end of the world. I'm going this afternoon to get the TB test (I'll be late for a class but my professor is cool) and there is one more student teaching meeting on Thursday. So why are occurences of this sort so likely to make me more upset. I think it may be that it makes me feel that I'm not organized enough to handle everyday life. But I know that stuff like this happens to everyone. I take things like this very personally and I'm not to sure why. The rational thought and the emotion are two completely opposite things in this sort of instance. Maybe since I'm already depressed, it just makes me feel worse. Maybe if I wasn't feeling overwhelmed, and generally incompetent in dealing with life, this would be one of those things that I would just laugh about and say 'oh well.' There was a time when I could do that. But being depressed like this is making it really hard to get anything constructive done. My mind feels like it's disconnected from my body. I just can't focus or think(and it's only been a week since I quit smoking). All I want to do is to sleep or do something mind numbing, like play video games. There's no conclusion to all these problems at this point, but I don't really feel like going into detail at this point. Hopefully I'll have something positive to say soon.